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So' date=' I saw this hot blond and she asked me if I prefer breasts or legs. When I responded to her with "I prefer cootchy and a firm ****" she looked at me in disgust. Apparently this is not an acceptable answer when ordering at KFC.[/quote']

 

this is a win

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I Hate These Stupid Things Cuz I Never Get Them.............I'm Broken :(

 

No.

 

OK, just stare at it and let your eyes go unfocused. Either that or get up and look at your screen from like ten feet away. :)

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Alright, it's cold as ballz where i live and night time. I don't turn my heater on because it costs money and I want a warm drink. I'm a crazy Insomniac so I'm really skeptical of drinking things with caffeine in them at night time, so I just made a double serving of chicken broth. Does anyone else ever drink this stuff for the hell of it?

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Alright' date=' it's cold as ballz where i live and night time. I don't turn my heater on because it costs money and I want a warm drink. I'm a crazy Insomniac so I'm really skeptical of drinking things with caffeine in them at night time, so I just made a double serving of chicken broth. Does anyone else ever drink this stuff for the hell of it?[/quote']

 

Lol i hate my insomnia:mad:

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So' date=' I saw this hot blond and she asked me if I prefer breasts or legs. When I responded to her with "I prefer cootchy and a firm ****" she looked at me in disgust. Apparently this is not an acceptable answer when ordering at KFC.[/quote']

 

Awesome, I say almost the same thing when I go grocery shopping while Im looking at Pies, and asking women that walk around, "What does your pie look like?".....you wouldnt believe some of the answers I get.

 

Even when I ask them if they like roast beef............

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So I was on my way out of town for a meeting. I had to be there at 8:00 am and it was three hours away. Driving in a new rental car (my truck was in the shop) I set out. As I left I felt that familiar twinge in my stomach. I knew a **** was a brewing, but I figured I had time to make it to at least the next city (1 hour away). About twenty minutes in, I realized waiting was a bad idea. I was sweating and having severe **** related pains. I figured I was about twenty five more minutes from the closest bathroom (a Safeway store at the entrance to town). I told my stomach to hold out that long and I promised no Mexican food for a month.

 

Well the **** gods were not on my side this day. I hit construction and the road was closed with workers and bulldozers everywhere. I figured that if I didn't drive through the barriers and around the workers I was in serious trouble. I said **** it. Through the barriers I went and past the workers who were yelling and chasing me. I yelled "I really have to **** though". I hope they understood.

 

 

So now I'm squeezing my butt cheeks together and doing lamas breathing. I pulled right up to the entrance of the store and jumped out and started speed walking to the door. A worker who was walking out said to me, "we are closed till 8." It is 5. I stopped about two feet from him and let loose. It was a wet, runny **** that exploded through my shorts, down my legs, and into my shoes (is anyone else turned on?). I was ******** like I was alone; noises, grunts, and everything. So there I stood, face to face with this Safeway employee ******** myself and he had the nerve to say, "What the **** is wrong with you?" "Clearly I could not hold it any longer *******" I said back. He tells me, like someone who has never **** himself in front of someone before, "You need to clean this up." I told him to **** off and got back into my little rental car.

 

 

Not having a change of clothes, I knew I wasn't making my appointment. I turned for home, just me and my **** soaked clothes. After the longest drive of my life I got home, walked in the house, and got right in the shower, **** filled shoes and all. I got out and went to sleep, not wanting to deal with the **** soaked car. When I woke up I went out to look at how bad it was and saw my girlfriends mom looking over the car (she lived next door). I walked up and told her that I must have the flu or food poisoning. She said to not worry about it and to go back to sleep. Like a real **** I did. She cleaned the car the best she could.

 

 

The next day I took the still stinking of **** car back to the rental place. I left it at the drop off spot and got out of there. I can only imagine what the poor Hertz employee smelled when he got in that car. I mean there was **** on the ****ing dash. I don't know how that happened

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So I was on my way out of town for a meeting. I had to be there at 8:00 am and it was three hours away. Driving in a new rental car (my truck was in the shop) I set out. As I left I felt that familiar twinge in my stomach. I knew a **** was a brewing' date=' but I figured I had time to make it to at least the next city (1 hour away). About twenty minutes in, I realized waiting was a bad idea. I was sweating and having severe **** related pains. I figured I was about twenty five more minutes from the closest bathroom (a Safeway store at the entrance to town). I told my stomach to hold out that long and I promised no Mexican food for a month.

 

Well the **** gods were not on my side this day. I hit construction and the road was closed with workers and bulldozers everywhere. I figured that if I didn't drive through the barriers and around the workers I was in serious trouble. I said **** it. Through the barriers I went and past the workers who were yelling and chasing me. I yelled "I really have to **** though". I hope they understood.

 

 

So now I'm squeezing my butt cheeks together and doing lamas breathing. I pulled right up to the entrance of the store and jumped out and started speed walking to the door. A worker who was walking out said to me, "we are closed till 8." It is 5. I stopped about two feet from him and let loose. It was a wet, runny **** that exploded through my shorts, down my legs, and into my shoes (is anyone else turned on?). I was ******** like I was alone; noises, grunts, and everything. So there I stood, face to face with this Safeway employee ******** myself and he had the nerve to say, "What the **** is wrong with you?" "Clearly I could not hold it any longer *******" I said back. He tells me, like someone who has never **** himself in front of someone before, "You need to clean this up." I told him to **** off and got back into my little rental car.

 

 

Not having a change of clothes, I knew I wasn't making my appointment. I turned for home, just me and my **** soaked clothes. After the longest drive of my life I got home, walked in the house, and got right in the shower, **** filled shoes and all. I got out and went to sleep, not wanting to deal with the **** soaked car. When I woke up I went out to look at how bad it was and saw my girlfriends mom looking over the car (she lived next door). I walked up and told her that I must have the flu or food poisoning. She said to not worry about it and to go back to sleep. Like a real **** I did. She cleaned the car the best she could.

 

 

The next day I took the still stinking of **** car back to the rental place. I left it at the drop off spot and got out of there. I can only imagine what the poor Hertz employee smelled when he got in that car. I mean there was **** on the ****ing dash. I don't know how that happened[/quote']

 

holy ****........that's pretty ****ty dude

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Wow you went through a lot of **** man.

 

I have a similar story.......But I made it too a bathroom. I was delivering Mail to companies. I held it for 2 hours, Im so glad that I completely **** retentive for holding it for soo long.........

 

Totally off the topic.......When I get morning wood, I usually have it for more than 3 hours.......That maybe due to the fact that it takes 4 hours to finally get out of bed now.

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Awesome' date=' I say almost the same thing when I go grocery shopping while Im looking at Pies, and asking women that walk around, "What does your pie look like?".....you wouldnt believe some of the answers I get.

 

Even when I ask them if they like roast beef............[/quote']

 

Now that's funny.

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Now that's funny.

 

Whats funny thing is they do tell me what it looks until they realise the question asked. And look at me like, "You got ne there" and they get embarassed but they start talking more freely and the conversations grow. I think the funny approach is always the best Ice breaker when talking too a very attractive woman. Eventhough Im not a said good looking guy, I do get their attention by being funny......

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Thats what they all say..........

 

Women tend too go after the BadBoy, cigarette smoking, beer drinking, Dangerboy that cheats on them. Nothing is done til they start smacking them. Then its the nice guy they want after being used.

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Lol if you have not noticed by now i am not like anybody else! I do like BadBoys though... but like i said looks are not everything to me.

 

beetle_juice_big_teeth_ugly_man_funny_picture_funfry_resize-706428.JPG

 

The man above is a loving and generous wealthy man. Looks are not everything, so would you date this man?

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Lol if you have not noticed by now i am not like anybody else! I do like BadBoys though... but like i said looks are not everything to me.

 

Every girl says that. Not a single one of them follows it.

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beetle_juice_big_teeth_ugly_man_funny_picture_funfry_resize-706428.JPG

 

The man above is a loving and generous wealthy man. Looks are not everything' date=' so would you date this man?[/quote']

 

No as i am already with someone:) & besides thats one of my biggest dislikes is bad teeth SMH.

 

I just said they are not everything i did not say they don't matter.

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No as i am already with someone:) & besides thats one of my biggest dislikes is bad teeth SMH.

 

I just said they are not everything i did not say they don't matter.

 

 

I knew what you meant, I was just teasing.:o

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The ends are loose?

 

f_xfqxiy90p7m_ec597bf.jpg

Cecily Brown, The Pyjama Game

 

 

?sealed & sown,

 

f_xso0kk4l1aqm_ae866f0.jpg

Julie Lewis, Pillow Fight

 

 

?must I be a jerk

 

f_jxo3m_39c693b.jpg

Kehinde Wiley, Ice-T

 

 

?to each their own?

 

f_kb6qhenvm_5ce495a.jpg

Banksy, Gold Flag

 

THANKS A LOT BRUCE

 

R.I.P. SWEET THREAD

 

 

 

It HAD to be that one picture.

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Wuddup gang... tomorrow i head out to the orlando area.. im scared of flying and im getting on a plane. q: / anywho... my mmaddiction has gotten really bad. so bad that in my nightmare i was watching UFC 105 and i realized in the middle of it that.....

 

 

I FORGOT TO MAKE MY FANTASY PICKS!!!! q; o

 

 

i dunno, it was really scary but opend my eyes to a bigger issue. i have an addiction to mma. q; D my name is todd and im an mmalcoholic!! thank you. dunno if ill be on in florida but if so i will talk to yall later, if not i wont... if i die in a planecrash then i request to be the first UFC Forum Hall of Famer. q; D

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Wuddup gang... tomorrow i head out to the orlando area.. im scared of flying and im getting on a plane. q: / anywho... my mmaddiction has gotten really bad. so bad that in my nightmare i was watching UFC 105 and i realized in the middle of it that.....

 

 

I FORGOT TO MAKE MY FANTASY PICKS!!!! q; o

 

 

i dunno' date=' it was really scary but opend my eyes to a bigger issue. i have an addiction to mma. q; D my name is todd and im an mmalcoholic!! thank you. dunno if ill be on in florida but if so i will talk to yall later, if not i wont... if i die in a planecrash then i request to be the first UFC Forum Hall of Famer. q; D[/quote']

 

 

made it safely to Orlando... q; D

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i with the "i hate flying club" i'm scared to death to fly, never have never will, if i can't get there by car, train or some type of transportation that is on the ground i'm not goin. Something about something that heavy should'nt be able to glide through the air like that, just doesn't make complete sense to me. LOL. kinda like cruise ships, something that heavy shouldn't be able to float!! i know they do, but just doesn't seem right. plus my luck i'd have a "final destination" dream goin on and flip out, and scare the hell outta the entire plane and F things all up for everyone, so i just stay away from planes.

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i'm so about flying, that about 2 yrs ago, my mom and step dad went to daytona beach, fla for vacation, well after 2 days they were down there they called and said we are checking into plane tickets for you guys (me, gf, and 2 daughters) to come down here with us. and i said um, no, you can send some cash western union style and we'll drive down. LMAO. 13 hours later we were in daytona beach, i drove all 13 hrs, on 4 hrs sleep.

 

Was supposed to be next november, but we not sure now, my dad and step mom, bros' and sis' and kids were supposed to take a family vacation to disneyland or disney world (whichever is in fla) and they were talking about how much plane tickets were and i stop the conversation and said 1 or 2 things are gonna happen, either i'm not goin or i'll leave a day and ahalf early and drive down, cause i'm not flying. (we live in northern Virginia) so i'm not sure what the decisions have been made. but i'm not flying.

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