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#1 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 02:42 AM

This is my thread and the stories are true.

I'd like to spend the day entertaining those who would care to listen. I haven't much of a plan, more an outline I have locked away in my head that needs to be set free. With each independent thought I shall post. So what we may end up with is an autobiographical account of a guy who has no degrees or awards and has essentially achieved nothing, but has led an unusual life, nonetheless.

I invite comments, I welcome questions. If more than one question arises for the same post, I will comment on the "best" one. What makes one the best could be determined by a number of factors. It could simply be that it is the easiest for me to answer. One may take precedence over another simply because of the humor. I may respond to a post for no reason other than I don't want to play favorites.

My responses may simply be elaborations of the story, for the sake of the story. These are just guidelines though, not rules, and rules are meant to be broken. So, I guess everything is irrelevant.

I may make an appearance on other threads to invite others to take a peek at this one. Don't be offended if this happens to your thread. Consider it an honor, as I will present myself only to great reads.

#2 Exodus9mm

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 02:44 AM

This is my thread and the stories are true.

I'd like to spend the day entertaining those who would care to listen. I haven't much of a plan, more an outline I have locked away in my head that needs to be set free. With each independent thought I shall post. So what we may end up with is an autobiographical account of a guy who has no degrees or awards and has essentially achieved nothing, but has led an unusual life, nonetheless.

I invite comments, I welcome questions. If more than one question arises for the same post, I will comment on the "best" one. What makes one the best could be determined by a number of factors. It could simply be that it is the easiest for me to answer. One may take precedence over another simply because of the humor. I may respond to a post for no reason other than I don't want to play favorites.

My responses may simply be elaborations of the story, for the sake of the story. These are just guidelines though, not rules, and rules are meant to be broken. So, I guess everything is irrelevant.

I may make an appearance on other threads to invite others to take a peek at this one. Don't be offended if this happens to your thread. Consider it an honor, as I will present myself only to great reads.


Sorry, what's going on here? LOL....are you high right now?

I responded in that Toney/Couture thread about a possible sig bet...check it out, let me know what you think.
"My business is hurting people" - Ray Robinson

#3 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 02:45 AM

My business is failing and I can not save it. I'm not too worried about that, though. I'm actually looking forward to an uncertain future, as that is the only kind of future that exists.

What will happen next?
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#4 BREAKINBOYZOFF

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 02:50 AM

"you will find happiness in unexpected places" - fortune cookie at the buffet.

Seriously though, the fact you aren't scared and are ready to take on a challenging new life until it evens itself out, is very honorable man. I congratulate that bro.

What are the other stories? I was getting worried you were going to leave this all blank lol?
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#5 brewster

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 02:52 AM

I am saddened that the soup nazi may fall...

#6 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 02:54 AM

My dog really did die yesterday. My mother-in-law really is coming up from Texas (with her husband) tonight to stay with us for two weeks. My business really is failing.

I'm in pretty high spirits, though.

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#7 Exodus9mm

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 02:54 AM

My business is failing and I can not save it. I'm not too worried about that, though. I'm actually looking forward to an uncertain future, as that is the only kind of future that exists.

What will happen next?


Ahh....philosophy.......

Pondering purpose......
"My business is hurting people" - Ray Robinson

#8 Exodus9mm

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 02:55 AM

My dog really did die yesterday. My mother-in-law really is coming up from Texas (with her husband) tonight to stay with us for two weeks. My business really is failing.

I'm in pretty high spirits, though.


Sorry about the loss. I love animals more than people most days.

What business are you in?
"My business is hurting people" - Ray Robinson

#9 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 03:06 AM

My parents thought I was mentally handicapped, possibly retarded when I was very young. I didn't speak coherently, I just wasn't with it at all. It turned out I was almost deaf and needed ear surgery.

I do poorly on hearing tests to this date, but I don't feel like I can't hear well.

I started off slowly in school. I had only been communicating for a couple of years by the 1st grade. I was also always in trouble. I got swats! The thing is, I didn't do anything malicious. I just had a lot of energy and played rough. The staff at Hillsboro Elementary did a terrible job at assessing the situation and applying the appropriate punishment.

Alright, I'll admit. My parents split up about two months into my 1st grade year and I was always getting swats at Puxico Elementary, as well.

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#10 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 03:16 AM

Sorry about the loss. I love animals more than people most days.

What business are you in?


I've been running a "luxury" convenience store for about 8 months now. I built the furniture out of beautiful stained hardwoods with granite countertops and trimming. I originally had these 4 foot high polished stainless steel coffee urns, which I've taken out of use because of their inefficiency. The place looks nice. The magazine rack is stunning. The wall coverings are really cool. I served gourmet soups up until a month ago, when the health department dropped by.

They said they like the idea of soup, but without a sandwich, it's not a complete meal, And it needs more salt.

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#11 Mikmania

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 03:19 AM

I've been running a "luxury" convenience store for about 8 months now. I built the furniture out of beautiful stained hardwoods with granite countertops and trimming. I originally had these 4 foot high polished stainless steel coffee urns, which I've taken out of use because of their inefficiency. The place looks nice. The magazine rack is stunning. The wall coverings are really cool. I served gourmet soups up until a month ago, when the health department dropped by.

They said they like the idea of soup, but without a sandwich, it's not a complete meal, And it needs more salt.


are you serious about the last part?!
bold prediction here

#12 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 03:25 AM

I joined the U.S. Army when I was 21 years old. I had been on my own for almost 5 years at that point and felt like I wasn't accomplishing much, so I joined the military to make something of myself and see the world.

I laugh about that now, not accomplishing much at 21. I honestly thought that because I wasn't doing well in school or touring with a rock band, that I was wasting my life away.

That year, before I joined the Army, was possibly my greatest year. I never played guitar so well, skateboarded so well or slept with so many girls (without paying for them.) I had a cool apartment, was learning to read music, and earning to swing dance and lindy-hop. I was even introduced to jiu-jitsu.

I had a string of bad luck, though, which led me to the doorsteps of the U.S. Army Recruiting Station.

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#13 trinimmaman

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 03:32 AM

Wow this is a depressing thread, keep your head up man! Sure something will work out. On a lighter note, I was in a subway restaurant last week and this old guy came in and asked for a cow heel soup. I thought it was hilarious. Just thought i'd share that seeing that we were on the topic of soup. How about adding some low fat healthy wraps instead of sandwiches, just a suggestion, a salad maybe?
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#14 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 03:39 AM

The funny thing about memories.

I don't know if people remember as much as they believe they do or if they take their imagination too seriously. I don't remember anything before 5th grade...except the swats.

I do remember, as if in a psychadelic haze, in the 4th grade being taken into a room and interviewed and questioned for an excruciatingly long time. Apparently they were testing me to see if I belonged in their gifted programe G.A.T.E.

I belonged!

I was unlike the other kids though. They were all nerdy, well-cared for children. I was like Bart Simpson. It really was a surprise to me that all of a sudden I was so smart.

I really did need something to boost my self-esteem. My Australian father, an abusive drunk, was the parent that raised me. Yes, the Puxico school was only a passing phase, as was my relationship with my mother.

The brilliance I was now associated with had a way of dismissing all of my weirdness and rebelliousness. Everything was okay. I actually started to become wildly popular, to the chagrin of the other nerds in G.A.T.E.

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#15 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 03:56 AM

Basic Training was awesome! I was mentally prepared for it, I'd seen all of the war movies, and I wasn't let down. I went to Fort Benning Georgia on June 6, 2000. That's 10 years ago!

Our Drill Sergeant was a Ranger. His name...Drill Sergeant Love! That is the best fking name on the planet! He was a real hard-azz.

I had already gotten a reputation and a nickname from the other recruits by the time we left the reception battallion. My name: Smiley. My reputation: Badass. I smiled a lot, I'm a really cheery person, just as I explained at the beginning.

My reputation came from slap-boxing. Some of the other recruits had engaged in slap-boxing and we were all watching. Out of nowhere, someone slapped me. I guess this was a fun way to initiate a challenge. I whooped his azz. Then someone else wanted to challenge me. I just kept going through dudes, knocking some of them out cold, even.

After the 3rd day, they brought in this big beast from another bay who apparently won the golden gloves, super heavyweight. That didn't intimidate me, I didn't even know what the hell that was. I steppped up and smacked the side of his head as hard as I could. He was probably pretty surprised that I did that. He proceeded to give me the beating of my life. He stopped when I said "okay, okay, okay!!!" so I have to give him credit for being a sportsmen.

Basic Training went really well, though. Camouflage, marching, the songs. We'd stand at attention and get yelled at. We shot guns and threw grenades. I really enjoyed P.T. I never played organized sports or exercised much before that. It was crazy to see my body actually changing and so quickly too. It was everything I had bargained for.

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#16 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:02 AM

Did you guys see the mustache/goatee that Nick Ring was sporting last night on the Ultimate Fighter? Straight out of the Village People.

I'm just saying.

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#17 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:16 AM

The gifted program only went up to the 6th grade in my school. I had 4 fights that year with other students. My fights were different than other kids'. They were one-sided knockdown, dragout fights that left the other child with black eyes and life-altering, ego-shattering realizations. My older brother always beat me up, so did my dad. So, I was well practiced.

Junior high wasn't so spectacular. I got into two fights, which I won, but my poularity was on the downslide. I didn't play sports, I didn't have money for clothes and I hadn't hit puberty yet. I was good in school and that was about it.

I was primed and ready to abuse drugs in high school.

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#18 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:34 AM

Man, did I feel like a tough-guy after coming home from Basic Training and AIT. I did and said things that I'm embarassed about now. I actually wore my Class A uniform and went to my ex-girlfriend's house to see her. I don't remember if she was there or not. memories can't be trusted.

I can't be trusted either. I had sex with her mom shortly before joining the Army. You can't tell me that isn't awesome. I did almost everything you could do sexually with both mother and daughter within a few days of eachother.

Anyway, about my attitude on leave, I chalk it up to youth and inexperience. I'm only 31 now, though. Here's my official position: Be very careful about taking too strong a stance on anything; you just may change your opinion about things with a little more information and/or experience. This goes for condemning people as well.

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#19 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:36 AM

I welcome comments.

Since the dawn of civilization, the lonely man has cried out "Is anybody listening?"

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#20 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:37 AM

Religion.

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#21 Mikmania

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:49 AM

I want to know how you got into the current business that you are in? and what's next
bold prediction here

#22 melkor

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:51 AM

Sorry about your bad luck, MegaSoup.

Do you have kids?

Where is your store located?

Does your wife work?

#23 Fast

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:56 AM

Sorry about your bad luck, MegaSoup.

Do you have kids?

Where is your store located?

Does your wife work?


Melkor is that you?

#24 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:58 AM

I'd love to know how my life would have turned out if hadI lost my virginity before I smoked my first joint. Maybe I wouldn't have smoked my first joint.

Marijuana is not good for you, I don't care if you can make rope out of hemp.

Overnight, it seemed, drugs went from being some monstrous, life-wrecking dream destroyer into a cool, free-spirited way of life that was mainstream, if anything. Everybody was doing it, except for those nerds I knew from G.A.T.E. But, I was never like them.

Overnight, it seemed, I went from a straight A student to a straight D student. The grunge movement, inspired by the Seattle sound, made failure glamorous. I smoked pot every day before, during and after school. I did anything else I could get my hands on. It was a badge of honor to have done them all. I'm embarassed to write this.

At least I learned to play the guitar rather well.

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#25 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 05:17 AM

I want to know how you got into the current business that you are in? and what's next


I have held more jobs than anybody I've ever met. There's no way you can keep yourself from judging me, but please don't hate me.

In Order:
McDonalds
Hardees
Steak N Shake
Hardees
The Old Spaghetti Factory - busser
Laffite's - busser
Some Ice Cream Shop/Food Restaurant - Server
Cafe Balaban - busser
Jack N the Box
Cafe De France - assistant waiter
Steak N Shake - waiter
Tony's (a five star restaurant) - assistant waiter
Dominic's
Some other Italian Place
Fabio's Gian Fabio's
J.C. Penny
Maggie O'Briens - valet parker
Player's island - valer parker
Applebee's - server
temp service - construction
temp service- cherry sorter
St. Louis Steakhouse - valet parker
Dohack's- server
Culpepper's - Server
Eagle Scaffolding
U.S. Army
President Casino - Valet Parker
Applebee's - bartender
Holiday Inn - bartender
Some Trendy Boutique Hotel - bartender
Robata of Japan - bartender/bar manager
Pennsylvania Life - Life Insurance Salesmen
Autocenters - car Salesmen
Solo Insurance - Insurance Agent
Custom Insurance - Insurance Agent
James Andrew Gmac - Real Estate Agent
Re/max - Real Estate Agent
GreenTree Real Estate - Owner/Broker
AA Mobile Homes - Trailer mover/installer
Jasid Construction - Drywall Hanger
Chesterfield Drywall - Drywall Hanger
Builder's Bloc - Framing Carpenter
The Hyatt - bartender
Maggie O'briens - bartender
Lobby Shop - Owner

To make a really long story short.

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#26 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 05:26 AM

Sorry, what's going on here? LOL....are you high right now?

I responded in that Toney/Couture thread about a possible sig bet...check it out, let me know what you think.


I responded to your sig bet. It's on the James Toney thread.

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#27 Mikmania

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 05:29 AM

I have held more jobs than anybody I've ever met. There's no way you can keep yourself from judging me, but please don't hate me.

In Order:
McDonalds
Hardees
Steak N Shake
Hardees
The Old Spaghetti Factory - busser
Laffite's - busser
Some Ice Cream Shop/Food Restaurant - Server
Cafe Balaban - busser
Jack N the Box
Cafe De France - assistant waiter
Steak N Shake - waiter
Tony's (a five star restaurant) - assistant waiter
Dominic's
Some other Italian Place
Fabio's Gian Fabio's
J.C. Penny
Maggie O'Briens - valet parker
Player's island - valer parker
Applebee's - server
temp service - construction
temp service- cherry sorter
St. Louis Steakhouse - valet parker
Dohack's- server
Culpepper's - Server
Eagle Scaffolding
U.S. Army
President Casino - Valet Parker
Applebee's - bartender
Holiday Inn - bartender
Some Trendy Boutique Hotel - bartender
Robata of Japan - bartender/bar manager
Pennsylvania Life - Life Insurance Salesmen
Autocenters - car Salesmen
Solo Insurance - Insurance Agent
Custom Insurance - Insurance Agent
James Andrew Gmac - Real Estate Agent
Re/max - Real Estate Agent
GreenTree Real Estate - Owner/Broker

AA Mobile Homes - Trailer mover/installer
Jasid Construction - Drywall Hanger
Chesterfield Drywall - Drywall Hanger
Builder's Bloc - Framing Carpenter
The Hyatt - bartender
Maggie O'briens - bartender
Lobby Shop - Owner

To make a really long story short.


no way I judge or hate you.

do you have a real estate license???
bold prediction here

#28 Mikmania

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 05:36 AM

keep working hard Mega
bold prediction here

#29 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 05:52 AM

I was really hyped to report to my first duty station, South Korea. Now, I was in the "real" Army, not just the training units, and a foreign country to boot.

I was going to make the most of it. In my mind, before I got there, I imagined a 3rd world country with grass-huts and kung fu masters. I was going to live off post and train in martial arts. I was going to do something profound. Wrong.

I didn't get to leave the base for almost 6 weeks. I learned I wasn't allowed to live off base unless I was married. There was hardly ever any free time. There were curfews and rules. The "ville's" outside the base catered every vice and not much more. I lived clean for a while, working out on my free time, staying on base and playing table tennis with the Koreans (don't F with me in ping-pong,) but nothing lasts forever, and my badness soon surfaced.

I don't remember the exact quote, but it went something like "I traveled thousands of miles away to escape my problems and found myself still there."

So I became a drunk and a *****-monger. (***** rhymes with bore.) It wasn't long until my disdain for authority could no longer be quelled. You are not going to tell me what to do.

I sensed the uprising within and attempted to thwart the inevitable. I soon learned that there is no legit way to seperate from the military, no matter how poetic you word things.

People will hate me for admitting this. I wanted out.

I was getting out of there.

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#30 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 05:57 AM

Man, I really have to pee.

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#31 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 06:11 AM

I go to the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays, at least right now I do. I can't wait to put my hands on some mofo's.

I used to think I had a shot at being in the UFC. Those guys are so good on the ground, though. Even the guys who are "weak" on the ground. How do you train for years and years full-time and have a weak ground game? It's because the guys that are "good" are phenoms. I'd be toast!

I love the sport, though. So I go to a crappy gym and beat people up. People like me, though. I'm very polite as a result of my disciplinarian father.

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#32 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 06:12 AM

I was always so afraid of my father.

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#33 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 06:22 AM

This just in. Today, Congress is voting on whether or not to repeal the law prohibiting gays from serving in the military. The debate has been going on endlessly, even before the 1993 ruling the gave rise to the phrase "don't ask, don't tell," a popular punchline to almost anything ****-related, if you happen to be in the military.

I see where both sides are coming from. Pardon the pun. I think it's retarded and a waste of resources to focus on such a silly thing, though. One shouldn't be passionate about such a thing. It's kind of like asking your wife if she wants Pizza or Burgers tonight. In your heart you want burgers, but she says pizza. Does it really matter?

I don't really understand why so many gay men want to join the military when there's a chance they could get their asses blown. Pardon the pun.

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#34 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 06:29 AM

So, my high school career wasn't going so well. Where was my normally insanely controlling father during all of this, anyway?

I don't know the answer to that question, although I will say he did smoke weed with me during deer-hunting season. I still hated deer-hunting. I also started seeing my mom again. I had access to a car. She also "smoked up" with me.

I haven't seen her in years.

In the ensuing years, I learned that neither of my parents were that big in to smoking. I wonder if it was an attempt to reconcile?

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#35 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 06:49 AM

I shouldn't have played fast and loose for so long in high school. Incredibly, as low as my GPA was, I passed every one of my classes, but I wasn't developing the requisite skills to prepare me for higher learning.

Another thing, my father, who apparently had been in hibernation for a couple of years, decided to resort back to his old ways of rigid discipline. He had had it with me and threw my **** out at 16, during the summer of my sophmore year in high school. It wasn't permanent, though, and it was kind of like a vacation to me. I stayed at a friend of mine's house for about 3 or 4 days.

Unbeknownst to me, my father got a hold of a list I had made of all of my friends phone numbers. This was in 1995, we wrote our friends names and numbers down on a piece of paper or an address book. Few people had computers or cell phones. My dad called up every name on that list and asked to speak to the parents, this was relayed to me by some of those same parents. He spoke very ill of me, warned them of my drug abuse (the experimenting was essentially over, I only smoked pot,) and god knows what else. He apparently sounded very disturbed and painted a pretty horrible picture of me.

This all came to me in the first few hours upon my returning home. Some of the parents were in denial about what their own children did, so I was forbidden from hanging around them anymore. Many others were more realistic.

When my dad came home from wherever later that day (he was obviously unemployed at the time) I questioned him about it. Never before in my life had I addressed my father in anything by the most formal manner and at parade rest! (I'm telling you, he was crazy.) The discussion got heated. It became a fight. As a boy who had previously taken so many blows, undefended, left crying in a pathetic heap, I emerged as a lion and beat his azz!

So the cops came.

Isn't it ironic, that after so many beatings a little boy took from a man so much larger over usually nothing, I'm the one finally hauled off to jail?

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#36 Mikmania

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 06:57 AM

hey man... write a book. go on opera. be a best seller. it can happen!
bold prediction here

#37 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 07:11 AM

When I decided to apply for early retirement from active-duty I was met with some resistance, as you would expect. My pass priveleges were pulled. I hadn't even done anything, yet.

I'll never forget that phrase, "Make sure your pass priveleges have not been pulled." It was funny then, it's funny now. That was one of my first punishments for one of my first AWOL's, to stand at the gate and give the sacred warning to everyone passing.

So my plan was to passively resist, a la Ghandi. I stopped maintaining my uniform. It was still clean, I'm not gross. I began "forgetting" to address the NCO's as Sergeant and standing in the parade rest. I was still on time and obeyed all rules, I just wasn't acting in a military manner. I gave P.T. my all, though.

This wasn't enough. I wasn't even getting punished, since I didn't break any rules. I was merely losing everyone's respect. It actually took a lot of discipline to unlearn things.

I even commissioned an artist to paint the famous Uncle Sam recruiting poster, but the words were "The U.S. Army Wants to Screw You!" I hung it in my room.

I could not dishonor myself by acting crazy or homosexual. I learned the only way was to be declared unti for the military uniform. Thus the awols begun.

They were short at first. Simply missing duties on Sunday, missing morning formation. They just kept assigning me details and making my life suck. So I went awol for real. 30 days or more is considered desertion. So I packed my things and left for 29.

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#38 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 07:17 AM

hey man... write a book. go on opera. be a best seller. it can happen!


Thank you!

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#39 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 07:25 AM

With so many movies depicting criminal masterminds attempting to foil the cops and so many reality programs giving behind the scenes glimpses of forensic labs contrasting so sharply with the many unsuccessful attempts by the police to catch murderes or bank robbers that are highlighted every day on the news and in the papers, do most people mentally plan imaginary bank robberies at imaginary banks or imaginary retributions on imaginary bad guys who commit imaginary unspeakable acts?

I do.

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#40 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 07:48 AM

My father wasn't so strict on me after I showed him who's boss!

Really, it was pretty tragic. He came to pick me up from jail a week later and his face was still busted up. Were things awkward between us after that? Well, I never felt comfortable in his presence, anyway. I haven't seen him in over a year, and things were very superficial and awkward then, as well.

The tragedy isn't in any one detail, but the entire story of our relationship.

So, I was the big man and he didn't push me around, anymore. This didn't last long, though. I broke my arm a few months later. It may have been coincidence that he decided to lay down the law after that. Hard, unreasonable new standards.

The funny thing was this: I was now a Junior in high school and was starting to realize that I will need to graduate soon. I started putting forth some[B][/B] effort in school and ended up with B's and A's. The hard drugs were a thing of the past (at the time.) But he was determined to right the ship that was already on course. He took my car, which I paid for, away. I was to ride the school bus and come straight home. I was grounded. I hadn't actually done anything wrong, except for kicking his **** 4 months ago. The meanness came out in him again. The intimidation.

How long did it last? I don't know. I will say that when I decided to rebel my cast was off. So, maybe 6 weeks.

There was some after school partying to indulge in one day and I said screw it. I did not go straight home, I smoked pot, I took some acid and I planned to...well I didn't have any plans. I didn't want to face the consequences. Later that night I got dropped off about a quarter a mile from my house so I could sneak to my car and take off. I was going to go live with my mother! She loved me.

The last scene, one I'll never forget, is me peeling out of our gravel driveway, in a drug induced panic, as my stepmother, my true mother-figure looked at me with pleading eyes and asked..

Where are you going?

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#41 KungFuMaster

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 08:10 AM

I see a man asking for help which is very courageous in my opinion. I don't know if you have friends or not, but you should let your immediate family know your pain, especially your father.

I was raised in a family where we did not say, "I love you," to each other. I never got to say those words to my father. I can say it thousand times now, but it won't matter. What matters is you make your peace before you find it is too late.

With your determination, you will find something else. I am confident of that, Megasoup.

#42 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 08:14 AM

The hell that awaited me when I returned from my vacation!

For those of you that wanted to hear about my AWOL, in a foreign country, as a non-native speaker, I'm sorry. The story is too good. It will have to be told later. What happened to me during my 29 day AWOL and my ensuing 3 month desertion is thing that can only be described as life-altering. It is one of the things that define me.

I'll be brief on this. I was immediately arrested, released to my unit, stripped of all personal belongings, put back in BDU's (camouflage fatigues) and placed under a 2 man guard. I had the foresight to keep my ATM/debit card out sight and in my possession, just in case anything went loco. I had my head shaved and was put on detail assignment. I was kept up for 5 days and 5 nights with no shower and only breaking for chow.

The majority of my unit happened to be in the field during all of this. When they came back, on the 5th day, my section chief, who had a heart of gold, intervened and got me a shower, allowed me to wash my clothes and let me go to bed.

I was in bed for less than an hour (probably) when I was ordered to see the 1st Sergeant. He told me how he felt. He didn't feel too good. He said that I "was going to earn my pay." He had me on detail again. Two man guard.

So, was out of there! The guard was awfully inefficient. One guy would screw off while the other guy helped. They kept a lazy eye on me. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the concrete porch (they have a military name for that, too,) and I began to notice a pattern. There was the CQ desk that one of the guards posted himself in a chair with the actual CQ guards. The other would stand over me and occassionally saunter off inside to join the conversation. I was just outside the door and I was exhausted. No worries.

I took a look at the different escape routes and estimated how long it would take for me to simply be out of sight. If I was out of sight, it would be more difficult to catch me because one wouldn't know which direction to go. One would hesitate at first as well, giving me even more of a headstart. They would probably go inside and tell the other guys, which means maybe 5 or 10 more seconds. If they saw me go, though, I was done for.

I left.

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#43 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 08:24 AM

Did you know that many of the things we know about the human body and it's tolerance to wind, cold, pain, suffocation and other forms of suffering were achieved from the research performed by the Nazi scientists, carefully performed and logged by what are often considered the most fastidious, meticulous and thorough peoples in all of history?

I guess we should also credit the Jews for their participation, in the name of science.

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#44 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 08:26 AM

I have to leave. I'll be back tomorrow with more.

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#45 KungFuMaster

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 08:40 AM

I cannot support a deserter. Sorry.

#46 yndev1

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 10:47 AM

I was following this like a kid listening to their bedtime story. You really should write a book. Can't wait for more uptades on this.
What do we want? Bigger doors!

Where do we want them? Weed stores!



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#47 Jonnydingo

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 10:50 AM

I see a man asking for help which is very courageous in my opinion. I don't know if you have friends or not, but you should let your immediate family know your pain, especially your father.

I was raised in a family where we did not say, "I love you," to each other. I never got to say those words to my father. I can say it thousand times now, but it won't matter. What matters is you make your peace before you find it is too late.

With your determination, you will find something else. I am confident of that, Megasoup.


Same here man, totally agree.

#48 mad182

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Posted 27 May 2010 - 12:15 PM

Really enjoyed reading your thread, cant wait to read what happened while deserting!

#49 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 01:33 AM

I'm back again, ready for action!

I've used that line for years. I have others, I think we all do.

So, I went to the gym last night. I rocked and rolled on the toes! It's hard to say how well I performed on the ground. I had a grappling marathon with this really athletic 20-year old, my size who wrestled in high school. He has been doing jiu jitsu for mere months, though. I don't believe he's the best guy there, but one day he might be. It's funny, I actually remember him when he was 15 from the Twin City Boxing club. Anyway, neither of us tapped, it was kind of back and forth with me on my back more than I would have liked.

I rolled with my old sparring partner who's only just made the transition, so his ground game is hilarious. I rolled with a really good guy who's much smaller than me, so an uninformed onlooker wouldn't have been able to observe his skill.

Apples and oranges.

But I rocked and rolled on the toes!

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#50 ReturnoftheSoup

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 01:48 AM

I said I wasn't going to talk about the AWOL's or the desertion. It appears, that people want to hear about it, though.

Man, it's great story! I couldn't do it justice here, it deserves it's own home. But, I will talk about it a little.

I'm not ashamed of what I did. I do not regret what I did. People have a hard time understanding what I did. Most people condemn me for what I did. But I did it.

I quit my job. That's all.

If anybody knew anything about me, they would know that I was destined to desert while in a foreign country. It's crazy and impulsive. It's rebellious and maybe even a little romantic. It's like something straight out of the movies, but nobody is going to love me for it. I'm a deserter.

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