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Who's your daddy?


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So... curious what we think of our earthly fathers and what kind of impression/traits they gave us. What is/was your dad like? Did you know him, and did you know and love him? What kind of a person was he and how did he effect you? How are you like him? Was he successful, or was he a deadbeat loser? Did he love you and show it/say it? What did/does he do? Did he wreak hell upon your mind? Did he mega-fail? Divorce your mom? Was he a father to you? Do you hold real contempt for him or do you forgive him? What do you wish he would have done better?

 

Come and have a sit on the adjuvant and meliorating black leather cyber couch and let's reflect for a moment.

 

Who is your daddy?

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My dad is a very wealthy real estate tycoon type. He's humble, but also arrogant in many respects. He's brilliant, but an airhead sometimes. He loves me, but is and has always been too busy to really show it. When I was younger, he did a lot of fun stuff with my and my bros. We oft took trips to Vail and Taos to snow ski. Some mornings he would wake us up at the butt crack of dawn to hit the lake and water ski when the water was like glass. Even though he was rolling in the dough, we didn't have many toys growing up, so in effect he didn't spoil us. He made me get my first job when I was 13, washing dishes at the golf club we grew up near. Sucked, but taught me to earn money. My dad had a temper, but was an extremely kind man, and still is. But he's still chasing the almighty dollar, and spends little time with his grandkids.

 

Overall, he could have done better by spending time with us instead of pleasuring himself with the indulgences of the world. He taught me work ethic and kindness, as well as arrogance and angst.

 

I love him, more than he loves me I'm afraid.

 

:)

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My father was a good man. Nice, humble, very hardworking man. He grew in up Detroit without a father. Moved out here and worked as a chef for most of his life then after having kids he started working at a winery. Everyone of his friends I met were always telling me how great of a guy he is and people always had good things to say about him. I remember he used to coach my soccer team as a kid.

 

It's hard to talk and think about him nowadays because he has gone through a lot recently. He lost his job a couple years ago and has never been the same since. He started drinking heavily and not working for about 2 years. His family history has had a problem with addiction and I could see it carried over to him. He quit cigarettes not to long ago and I was proud of that but he just couldn't kick the alcohol.

 

His family, friends, and everyone wanted to get him help but he wasn't having it. He pushed them all away. It was heartbreaking to see for me. I love him a lot and tried to help him so much but he was stuck in a daze and couldn't see it. Him and my mother divorced. He moved to a small abandoned house with no power and lived there for months. I would visit him from time to time but it was hard. He started living in his truck after that because he got kicked out then the police took him in.

 

Now he lives in a town an hour away and he will only text me from time to time to tell me he loves me and he's sorry for everything. He told me he has been sober but I'm still not sure. He won't see me in person. Not sure if he is sober now but I really hope he is. Don't know if he has a place or is still living in his truck. He won't even tell me.

 

Still love him very much and hope to help him out one day when I'm not broke. My dream is to buy him a house.

 

Sorry if this is long kinda wanted to get this off my chest.

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Warrior... thanks for sharing. I understand alcohol addictions. My mom drank herself to death in April of 2002. I found her on her bathroom floor stiff and cold, liver and kidneys both gave out, don't know which one first. It was very difficult. The one regret I have is not being more aggressive in helping her. Sometimes we have to force those we love to get help, no matter if they resist or not. I could have done more, who knows, maybe my 58 year old mum would have been here enjoying her grandkids today if I had gotten off my azz and helped her more. Efforts become stale after a while though, and when they resist and push you away, it seems there isn't much we can do. I still have regret today, almost daily/weekly. I miss her dearly.

 

Perhaps you can see your pops soon.

Good on yas man.

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My dad...

Mexican born in 1935

Born to parents who both worked for the Salvation Army

After HS went into the Navy

Married a Japanese woman, had 5 children

Divorced when she wouldn't convert to Christianity

Became a very popular preacher

Toured the country preaching for years

Met my mom, convinced her God meant for them to be together

Had my brother and I

Continued moving around while preaching in various churches, I went to 13 schools in 4 states between 1985-1992, before I even started HS.

Raised us in the pews, taught us everything about the Bible, made us read it front to back.

However,

While a preacher, he had affairs with our babysitter, and other women from the church. When my mom confronted him, he made physical threats.

During our time in California (84-89) He was also making shady business deals

In some way he ripped off his partner of some money, and moved us away to Washington.

He continued to be a preacher, while at the same time working various cons on people, he had used 3 or more fake names

A private investigator had been hired by his old partner to track him down

He was arrested in 1990, my mom, brother and I had to fall on the mercy of friends and relatives, from sleeping in someones attic, or usually a relative would let us crash on the couch for a bit. Aunt and Uncle took us in in Tacoma WA.

My mom takes him back when he promises to change and make our lives better.

In 92 he was arrested after moving us to Salem, Oregon.

We lived on welfare for a year.

My mom took him back yet again.

At that time, he created a fake real estate business selling homes he didn't own to hard working hispanic families, taking their life savings in cash down payments. It was easier for him to do this since he was Mexican himself they trusted him. The people he scammed would only find out they were scammed when they would go to move in to their new home and their keys didnt work. Cops would show up and all they had was a fake contract with fake names on it.

With his dirty money he bought us a nice home, nice cars, and fancy things. But it was all dirty, and rightfully taken away when finally, in 1995 the P.I. caught up to him, he was busted big time, P.I. had pictures and everything.

It made the front page of the Statesman Journal newspaper in Salem Oregon. I was a sophmore at Mckay.

This time he got 8 years in prison, and hefty fines. They never could find all the money he stole, rumors he had it hidden it in Mexico.

He died an inmate in September 2001

 

 

 

So how should I feel?

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I don't want to sound like an ******* because I know a lot of people have really ****** parents. My dad is not a wife beater, alcoholic, etc.

 

He does a pretty good job of taking care of the family

 

BUT

 

He's a very hard person to be around, I really cringe sometimes and I just want him to leave me alone... I think I love him because he's my father, right? But if we weren't related I would never talk to him

 

I love him but I don't like him :(

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Warrior... thanks for sharing. I understand alcohol addictions. My mom drank herself to death in April of 2002. I found her on her bathroom floor stiff and cold' date=' liver and kidneys both gave out, don't know which one first. It was very difficult. The one regret I have is not being more aggressive in helping her. Sometimes we have to force those we love to get help, no matter if they resist or not. I could have done more, who knows, maybe my 58 year old mum would have been here enjoying her grandkids today if I had gotten off my azz and helped her more. Efforts become stale after a while though, and when they resist and push you away, it seems there isn't much we can do. I still have regret today, almost daily/weekly. I miss her dearly.

 

Perhaps you can see your pops soon.

Good on yas man.[/quote']

 

No problem, felt like this was a good time to share. Wow man I'm so sorry to hear that. Can't even imagine going through that. I appreciate you sharing that.

 

Yeah I totally understand I wanted to get my dad help so bad....we all did. His best friend wanted to get help with him because he had an addiction problem also but he said no and lost that friend. I will definitely keep trying til I can't anymore. But like you said after trying so hard for so many times it gets tiresome and you start to lose hope. Plus not to mention I am already very stressed from day to day life with all my problems. But I have a feeling he will get it together one day.

 

Thanks man I appreciate it, thank you very much for sharing also.

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My dad...

 

 

So how should I feel?

 

 

Well.. I can see now why you hate christians, although, your dad was obviously NOT one. Sounds like a wolf in sheep's clothing, probably b/c his dad was similar.

 

I'm sorry to hear your story. It's very sad. Perhaps he repented in his heart while in prison and God had mercy on him. But one thing is sure, you are the person you are because of what you went through. A very volatile young life you had it sounds like, and crazy shiz happening in your little world. I feel bad for you. But you seem to be a VERY intelligent person from what I read on here, and somewhat calloused.

 

So what do you do and who are you now because of it?

Are you angry and affected?

Not that you have to elaborate any more, it's just a very interesting story, I'd like to hear more.

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No problem' date=' felt like this was a good time to share. Wow man I'm so sorry to hear that. Can't even imagine going through that. I appreciate you sharing that.

 

Yeah I totally understand I wanted to get my dad help so bad....we all did. His best friend wanted to get help with him because he had an addiction problem also but he said no and lost that friend. I will definitely keep trying til I can't anymore. But like you said after trying so hard for so many times it gets tiresome and you start to lose hope. Plus not to mention I am already very stressed from day to day life with all my problems. But I have a feeling he will get it together one day.

 

Thanks man I appreciate it, thank you very much for sharing also.[/quote']

 

 

There is one thing I know, which I didn't practice with mine... "Love covers a multitude of sins." and "Kindness leads us to repentance." These are both verses from the scripture, and they are both true. I didn't show love, nor was I kind, but instead raked my mom over the coals for her behavior. She needed love, and in her weakness she needed someone to take her burdens and walk with her while working through them. She was depressed for the life and the mistakes she made, and this only pushes one deeper in their depression, it is was with her. I should have been kind and took her burden upon my own shoulders.

 

This is what I learned. Take it for whatever you want. I know love and labor is the answer.

 

Thanks again for sharing. Good stuff.

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Never' date=' actually knew mine whether that is good thing or a bad thing I'll never know.

 

I had an amazing foster mother, however. And I don't think there is a single person in this world who could have raised me as well as her. :)[/quote']

 

Dude. I envy you in a strange way. Foster parents rock BIG time. I have some really good friends who are older. They have fostered over 100 infants/toddlers in their home over the past 20 years. They have two of their own children, and adopted two of the foster infants 20+ years ago. One black and one white, both boys. Both with drug addicted parents. Both had problems, one with bad vision and ADD the other with no short term memory. They are now in their 20's, both successful in their own right. They wouldn't have had a chance in hell if it weren't for their foster parents Ron and Kathy. They are the strongest christian people I know. They sacrificed their entire lives for making less fortunate children's lives better.

 

Just blows me away.

You are a blessed person for that woman!!

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Dude. I envy you in a strange way. Foster parents rock BIG time. I have some really good friends who are older. They have fostered over 100 infants/toddlers in their home over the past 20 years. They have two of their own children' date=' and adopted two of the foster infants 20+ years ago. One black and one white, both boys. Both with drug addicted parents. Both had problems, one with bad vision and ADD the other with no short term memory. They are now in their 20's, both successful in their own right. They wouldn't have had a chance in hell if it weren't for their foster parents Ron and Kathy. They are the strongest christian people I know. They sacrificed their entire lives for making less fortunate children's lives better.

 

Just blows me away.

You are a blessed person for that woman!![/quote']

 

They sound like amazing people. :)

 

And trust me I know how very lucky I was in life. I actually wasn't adopted until I was past my toddler days. For those that don't know it is rather unlikely to get adopted into a regular home at an "old" age. She gave me a family which is an odd thing to think about.

 

I may be biased, but I really do think adoption is one of the most generous things a person can do.

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There is one thing I know' date=' which I didn't practice with mine... "Love covers a multitude of sins." and "Kindness leads us to repentance." These are both verses from the scripture, and they are both true. I didn't show love, nor was I kind, but instead raked my mom over the coals for her behavior. She needed love, and in her weakness she needed someone to take her burdens and walk with her while working through them. She was depressed for the life and the mistakes she made, and this only pushes one deeper in their depression, it is was with her. I should have been kind and took her burden upon my own shoulders.

 

This is what I learned. Take it for whatever you want. I know love and labor is the answer.

 

Thanks again for sharing. Good stuff.[/quote']

 

Very true man, thank you for that. Good advice for sure.

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Never' date=' actually knew mine whether that is good thing or a bad thing I'll never know.

 

I had an amazing foster mother, however. And I don't think there is a single person in this world who could have raised me as well as her. :)[/quote']

 

I fall somewhat under a similar circumstance. My mother and biological father divorced when I was young and my mother met my step father around the time I turned 10. I hated him at first because he was taking what little attention my sister and I got from my Mom. We were latch-key kids as my Mom worked constantly to give us bare essentials because my biological father was a deadbeat. Lawn chairs for furniture, crap food(ramen, Vienna sausages... Etc... Etc).

 

Through the first couple of years he made my mother return to college, treated us as his own even though his own children were grown and successful, and generally owed us nothing but he took it upon himself to set my sister and I back on course. He stressed education, got us involved in athletics and after school programs, taught us discipline that both of us lacked, and instilled a drive in both of us that has served us well into adulthood and our careers. He is by far the best thing that happened to my family and we would not be where we are at now, collectively, without his guidance.

 

Besides my significant other, he is my best friend to this day. Steadfast, resilient, wise, and intelligent, he remains a major influence on me. The best thing of all, he chose to do everything he's done for all of us, and that takes a special kind of strength. I can only hope to grow into the example he has set for me.

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I fall somewhat under a similar circumstance. My mother and biological father divorced when I was young and my mother met my step father around the time I turned 10. I hated him at first because he was taking what little attention my sister and I got from my Mom. We were latch-key kids as my Mom worked constantly to give us bare essentials because my biological father was a deadbeat. Lawn chairs for furniture' date=' crap food(ramen, Vienna sausages... Etc... Etc).

 

Through the first couple of years he made my mother return to college, treated us as his own even though his own children were grown and successful, and generally owed us nothing but he took it upon himself to set my sister and I back on course. He stressed education, got us involved in athletics and after school programs, taught us discipline that both of us lacked, and instilled a drive in both of us that has served us well into adulthood and our careers. He is by far the best thing that happened to my family and we would not be where we are at now, collectively, without his guidance.

 

Besides my significant other, he is my best friend to this day. Steadfast, resilient, wise, and intelligent, he remains a major influence on me. The best thing of all, he chose to do everything he's done for all of us, and that takes a special kind of strength. I can only hope to grow into the example he has set for me.[/quote']

 

Awesome. There's a song that's appropriate for your story perhaps..

:)

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I fall somewhat under a similar circumstance. My mother and biological father divorced when I was young and my mother met my step father around the time I turned 10. I hated him at first because he was taking what little attention my sister and I got from my Mom. We were latch-key kids as my Mom worked constantly to give us bare essentials because my biological father was a deadbeat. Lawn chairs for furniture' date=' crap food(ramen, Vienna sausages... Etc... Etc).

 

Through the first couple of years he made my mother return to college, treated us as his own even though his own children were grown and successful, and generally owed us nothing but he took it upon himself to set my sister and I back on course. He stressed education, got us involved in athletics and after school programs, taught us discipline that both of us lacked, and instilled a drive in both of us that has served us well into adulthood and our careers. He is by far the best thing that happened to my family and we would not be where we are at now, collectively, without his guidance.

 

Besides my significant other, he is my best friend to this day. Steadfast, resilient, wise, and intelligent, he remains a major influence on me. The best thing of all, he chose to do everything he's done for all of us, and that takes a special kind of strength. I can only hope to grow into the example he has set for me.[/quote']

 

Taking on the responsibility of your own child is a big deal few are really ready for, but when someone takes on the responsibility of another person's child there really is no greater sign of character.

 

It is exactly as you say. They owe us nothing, but gave anyway.

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Awesome. There's a song that's appropriate for your story perhaps..

:)

 

Appropriate indeed! He's a great man. He is very religious and doesn't hold my lack of faith against me. He too is a war veteran, Vietnam to be exact. He once told me "son, I lost my way after being in war too. I hope someday you find your way back because that is what drew me to your mom and you. One of these days it will all make sense. Give it time.". :)

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Appropriate indeed! He's a great man. He is very religious and doesn't hold my lack of faith against me. He too is a war veteran' date=' Vietnam to be exact. He once told me "son, I lost my way after being in war too. I hope someday you find your way back because that is what drew me to your mom and you. One of these days it will all make sense. Give it time.". :)[/quote']

 

Very wise. There might be hope for you after all bruz. ;)

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Today was a weird day for me, and seeing this thread this morning was odd. I love my parents, but I am the adult and at 34 I am just starting to stop feeling responsible for them.

 

Of note, my dad's second wife (out of 3) (of 16 years) is the parent I still like the most. And my mom lives with me. I am most like her and she is the primary reason for my success in life.

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Very wise. There might be hope for you after all bruz. ;)

 

I dunno. I keep thinking there's something salvageable somewhere in that blackened heart, but... kidding. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting his dad, but my boys couldn't have a dad & I couldn't have a better partner.

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Today was a weird day for me' date=' and seeing this thread this morning was odd. I love my parents, but I am the adult and at 34 I am just starting to stop feeling responsible for them.

 

Of note, my dad's second wife (out of 3) (of 16 years) is the parent I still like the most. And my mom lives with me. I am most like her and she is the primary reason for my success in life.[/quote']

 

Yeah, babysitting your parents sucks. Good that you are liberating yourself from it though. I babysat my mom ever since I was around 8 or so until I was 25. As a young child I used to have to force her to pull over so I could drive home when she was too fubar'd. It's a bizarre turn of events when the roles are reversed and the child becomes the parent. Makes you grow up kinda quick.

 

I loved my mom's 2nd out of 3 husbands the best too! :)

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Taking on the responsibility of your own child is a big deal few are really ready for' date=' but when someone takes on the responsibility of another person's child there really is no greater sign of character.

 

It is exactly as you say. They owe us nothing, but gave anyway.[/quote']

 

This is something I am now familiar with myself. I try to be as positive a role model as I can be to my step sons. The thing that has stuck with me through some of the trials and tribulations that can come with being a step parent is that you have to understand that the child/children will eventually soften up towards you. You just have to plug away and provide them with as much stability as possible.

 

Kids generally are not mentally equipped to deal with that kind of change, but if you do it right they will treat you like you are their real parent. I still remember when I overheard them talking with their friends and said I was their dad. It made me soften up like warm ice cream, as I can be rather calloused and unemotional at times. I've never tried to force myself on to them as a parent and hearing them say that was honestly a big payoff. They have been through a lot already in their young lives and if I can contribute to their successes and help them get through their failures while providing them a comfortable life and loving environment, then I feel I have done my job. I had a great example set for me and the least I can do is offer what I've learned to the children of the love of my life.

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My father died when I was about 5 years old. I cannot remember the sound of his voice. One of the few memories I have of him is when he saved me from drowning when I tried to ride my bike around the pool before I learned how to swim and fell in. He sprinted from upstairs in the house to the pool, dived in fully clothed and got me out of there.

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My father died when I was about 5 years old. I cannot remember the sound of his voice. One of the few memories I have of him is when he saved me from drowning when I tried to ride my bike around the pool before I learned how to swim and fell in. He sprinted from upstairs in the house to the pool' date=' dived in fully clothed and got me out of there.[/quote']

 

That's unfortunate, sorry to hear that. He must've made quite an impression to still be in your mind after all this time. He may be gone, but its up to you to carry on his legacy. Which is you, my friend. :)

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So... curious what we think of our earthly fathers and what kind of impression/traits they gave us. What is/was your dad like? Did you know him' date=' and did you know and love him? What kind of a person was he and how did he effect you? How are you like him? Was he successful, or was he a deadbeat loser? Did he love you and show it/say it? What did/does he do? Did he wreak hell upon your mind? Did he mega-fail? Divorce your mom? Was he a father to you? Do you hold real contempt for him or do you forgive him? What do you wish he would have done better?

 

Come and have a sit on the adjuvant and meliorating black leather cyber couch and let's reflect for a moment.

 

Who is your daddy?[/quote']

 

like many others , i had a messed up childhood , never had a mother and son or father and son relationship , but i'll tell you one cool thing about my dad he was in a mexican jail for 9 years seen him twice in aproxx. 13 years

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Well.. I can see now why you hate christians' date=' although, your dad was obviously NOT one. Sounds like a wolf in sheep's clothing, probably b/c his dad was similar.

 

I'm sorry to hear your story. It's very sad. Perhaps he repented in his heart while in prison and God had mercy on him. But one thing is sure, you are the person you are because of what you went through. A very volatile young life you had it sounds like, and crazy shiz happening in your little world. I feel bad for you. But you seem to be a VERY intelligent person from what I read on here, and somewhat calloused. [/quote']

I'm not sorry because you're right, it made me who I am today.

So what do you do and who are you now because of it?

I graduated HS, joined the Marines, got injured and discharged, worked steady jobs, got a college degree, didn't have a kid until I was 28 and married to my wife. I have never broken the law except for a few traffic tickets.

Are you angry and affected?

I am not going to be like him thats for sure. My brother loved our dad, and cried when he was arrested, and cried when he died - then my brother turns into a child abuser, drug user, thug, and he is in jail for the 4th time as we speak.

I hated our dad, I washed my hands of him, and so I will be nothing like him, he was an example for a failure as a human.

Not that you have to elaborate any more, it's just a very interesting story, I'd like to hear more.

Well, I write poetry/songs and I have much of my poetry on poetry.com

I am a nonbeliever but I sure wish if there was a God I'd get a revelation. But I've been left empty handed no matter how long and hard I look.

I refuse to believe based on hearsay and blind faith. I use my mind, reason and science. I read physics books for fun, as well as astronomy and philosophy like Kant, Hume, and Russell.

Growing up Christian and then losing my faith I'm sure makes it twice as hard to win me back. But I am open minded, I just get tired of people expecting me to have faith just because they do. My mom for instance is always telling me how she prays for me so I don't go to hell or some junk.

I label myself an Anti-Theist-Agnostic. I have no idea if there are god(s) or not, but I dislike religion as a whole, and despise organized Christianity/Judaism/Islam.

 

P.S. If there is a God, and he lets people like my dad into heaven, no matter how much he may have repented - I'm not sure I wanna go there. There has to be accountability, there has to be punishment, or else whats the point of morals?

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My father died when I was about 5 years old. I cannot remember the sound of his voice. One of the few memories I have of him is when he saved me from drowning when I tried to ride my bike around the pool before I learned how to swim and fell in. He sprinted from upstairs in the house to the pool' date=' dived in fully clothed and got me out of there.[/quote']

 

Wow... Man that's tough, incredible actually. So not only did he give you life, he gave you life by saving you. How did he die if you don't mind.

 

 

like many others ' date=' i had a messed up childhood , never had a mother and son or father and son relationship , but i'll tell you one cool thing about my dad he was in a mexican jail for 9 years seen him twice in aproxx. 13 years[/quote']

 

Sorry to hear that. But he's still living, so you still have a chance to see him, show him love, and reconcile the past. I'm sure you hurt because of it, I would. Maybe you should write him. I'm sure he'd cherish that like nothing else he's ever cherished before. Prison is a dark lonely place without communication from the outside. Reach out and it is sure to bring healing.

 

Pops worked and still works hard to support his family and sometimes siblings. If I'm half the man he is to his family then I would have made my mark in life. Always willing to go out his way to help out. If only he didnt give me these damn chciken legs we would have been awesome.

 

lol. Rad dad man. Very cool. Well, Johnny Bones has chicken legs, he's pretty awesome. Just sayin..

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I'm not sorry because you're right' date=' it made me who I am today.

 

 

Well, I write poetry/songs and I have much of my poetry on poetry.com

I am a nonbeliever but I sure wish if there was a God I'd get a revelation. But I've been left empty handed no matter how long and hard I look.

I refuse to believe based on hearsay and blind faith. I use my mind, reason and science. I read physics books for fun, as well as astronomy and philosophy like Kant, Hume, and Russell.

 

P.S. If there is a God, and he lets people like my dad into heaven, no matter how much he may have repented - I'm not sure I wanna go there. There has to be accountability, there has to be punishment, or else whats the point of morals?[/quote']

 

"I refuse to believe based on hearsay and blind faith. I use my mind, reason and science."

Me too.

 

"There has to be accountability, there has to be punishment, or else whats the point of morals?"

 

Well, I can't say I blame you for feeling the way you do. You've had terrible examples of what is looks like to be a real christian. Hypocrites actually, which don't testify at all to what the real thing is. So I see where you are coming from. My folks taught me hypocrisy as well, though not to the extreme of your pops.

 

This is very interesting this statement. And I believe you are correct. Morals exist in all peoples, it's how we were made. Which is why from my perspective, punishment is in fact poured out on sinners. Either on the cross or apart from God's mercy. Mercy for those who accept the cross and are truly sorry displayed by the fruit of sorrow, or self payment in outer darkness for those who reject it and aren't sorrowful.

 

I'd really like to read some your poetry. Feel like posting some? Feel free to pm me some.

Srsly.

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My father was a gamblin man down in New Orleans...

 

No I'm kidding my dads cool, he was always there when I was growing up and and he raised me well without ever needing to be strict. I can barely remember him ever raising his voice actually and it's the same with my mum, they are both good intelligent people and they taught me by example. They aren't together anymore but they're still friends which i'm really grateful for and they are both still a big part of my life. They both have great senses of humour as well so growing up was fun.

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grand-daddy was a Giganotosauras.

 

I am so dizpoint, I can't even begin to tell you. (insert sad emoticon)

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