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favorite stand up comedians?


BART-O-LINI
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No George Carlin? You all fail miserably. He was the GOAT.

Beat me to it. Hespect.

I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free, a diversified multi-cultural post-modern deconstructionist, politcally, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect.

 

I’ve been uplinked and downloaded, I’ve been inputed and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech lowlife, a state-of-the-art bi-coastal multitasker, and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

 

I’m new wave, but I’m old school, and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice-activated and biodegradeble. I interface with my database, and my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive, and from time to time, I’m radioactive.

 

Behind the 8-ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging the bullet, pushing the envelope. I’m on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed. I have no urge to binge and purge. I’m in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistics missionary. A street-wise smart bomb, a top-gun bottom-feeder.

 

I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing bigfoot slamdunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach. A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic, out of rehab and in denial. I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up, you can’t dumb me down, ’cause I’m tireless, and I’m wireless. I’m an alpha male on beta blockers.

 

I’m a non-believer and an overachiever, laid back, but fashion forward, up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance; super size, long lasting, high definition, fast acting, oven ready, and built to last. I’m a hands-on, footloose, kneejerk headcase, prematurly post-traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate mail.

 

But I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing, a supportive, bonding, nurturing, primary caregiver. My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on a long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly, and lactose intolerant.

 

I like rough sex, I like tough love, I use the F-word in my e-mails, and the software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft ****. I bought a microwave at a minimall, I bought a minivan at a megastore, I eat fast food in the slow lane. I’m tollfree, bite size, ready to wear, and I come in all sizes. A fully equipped, factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle.

 

I’ve been prewashed, precooked, preheated, prescreened, preapproved, postdated, freeze dried, double wrapped, vacuum packed, and I have an unlimited broadband capacity. I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal, lean and mean, ****ed, locked, and ready to rock; rough, tough, and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I got glide in my stride. Drivin’ and movin’, sailin’ and spinin’, jivin’ and groovin’, wailin’ and winnin’. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hardy, and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin’ in, there ain’t no doubt, and I’m hangin’ tough, over and out.”

Edited by Ozpride
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Beat me to it. Hespect.

I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free, a diversified multi-cultural post-modern deconstructionist, politcally, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect.

 

I’ve been uplinked and downloaded, I’ve been inputed and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech lowlife, a state-of-the-art bi-coastal multitasker, and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

 

I’m new wave, but I’m old school, and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice-activated and biodegradeble. I interface with my database, and my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive, and from time to time, I’m radioactive.

 

Behind the 8-ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging the bullet, pushing the envelope. I’m on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed. I have no urge to binge and purge. I’m in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistics missionary. A street-wise smart bomb, a top-gun bottom-feeder.

 

I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing bigfoot slamdunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach. A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic, out of rehab and in denial. I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up, you can’t dumb me down, ’cause I’m tireless, and I’m wireless. I’m an alpha male on beta blockers.

 

I’m a non-believer and an overachiever, laid back, but fashion forward, up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance; super size, long lasting, high definition, fast acting, oven ready, and built to last. I’m a hands-on, footloose, kneejerk headcase, prematurly post-traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate mail.

 

But I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing, a supportive, bonding, nurturing, primary caregiver. My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on a long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly, and lactose intolerant.

 

I like rough sex, I like tough love, I use the F-word in my e-mails, and the software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft ****. I bought a microwave at a minimall, I bought a minivan at a megastore, I eat fast food in the slow lane. I’m tollfree, bite size, ready to wear, and I come in all sizes. A fully equipped, factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle.

 

I’ve been prewashed, precooked, preheated, prescreened, preapproved, postdated, freeze dried, double wrapped, vacuum packed, and I have an unlimited broadband capacity. I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal, lean and mean, ****ed, locked, and ready to rock; rough, tough, and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I got glide in my stride. Drivin’ and movin’, sailin’ and spinin’, jivin’ and groovin’, wailin’ and winnin’. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hardy, and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin’ in, there ain’t no doubt, and I’m hangin’ tough, over and out.”

 

One of his many GOAT moments.

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  • 1 month later...

Just watched two of Jim Jefferies stand up shows on Netflix, that guy is ****ing hilarious.I'd recommend Tom Segura's stand up on Netflix, was funny.

 

Jim Jefferies in p4p though. I like his dark sense of humor. He's like an Australian Daniel Tosh, but slightly less offensive.

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Tier 1

 

Louis CK

Dave Chappelle

Anthony Jeselnik

 

Tier 2

 

Chris Rock

Amy Schumer

 

Tier 3

 

Jim Norton

Kevin Hart

Jim Jefferies

Donnell Rawlings

Jim Norton is funnier than Amy Schumer, and not by a little, by a lot.

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Carlin was the GOAT but he's dead.  Dave Chappelle's Killing Them Softly and For What it's Worth along with Eddie Murphy's Delirious and Raw are awesome.

 

I like Louis CK but his specials are not as diverse as some other comics.  As some have mentioned and I just recently discovered last year was Bill Burr and Jim Jeffries.  These 2 are hilarious.

 

One of my favorite Bill Burr bits.  "Your **** is like a motivational speaker.  Anything you ask it and it's like 'Yeah! Exit strategy?  We'll worry about that later.'  If your **** was a 3rd base coach he wouldn't be holding anyone up, he'd just be ****ing waving everybody around."

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Carlin was the GOAT but he's dead.  Dave Chappelle's Killing Them Softly and For What it's Worth along with Eddie Murphy's Delirious and Raw are awesome.

 

I like Louis CK but his specials are not as diverse as some other comics.  As some have mentioned and I just recently discovered last year was Bill Burr and Jim Jeffries.  These 2 are hilarious.

 

One of my favorite Bill Burr bits.  "Your **** is like a motivational speaker.  Anything you ask it and it's like 'Yeah! Exit strategy?  We'll worry about that later.'  If your **** was a 3rd base coach he wouldn't be holding anyone up, he'd just be ****ing waving everybody around."

You have good taste

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I just watched a couple Bill Burr specials. I wouldn't say he's my favorite, but he definitely has some entertaining bits. He's a good stand up comedian, that's for sure.

 

Anthony Jeslenik...the only time I've seen him do comedy was from the Comedy Central Roast. I thought he was pretty bland from that. I don't know how his stand ups are, but if someone could recommend me one of his specials, I'll check it out.

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I just watched a couple Bill Burr specials. I wouldn't say he's my favorite, but he definitely has some entertaining bits. He's a good stand up comedian, that's for sure.

 

Anthony Jeslenik...the only time I've seen him do comedy was from the Comedy Central Roast. I thought he was pretty bland from that. I don't know how his stand ups are, but if someone could recommend me one of his specials, I'll check it out.

He has Caligula and Shakespeare, the first one has video and the other is audio only. I love him but his humor is REALLY dark, not for everyone

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He has Caligula and Shakespeare, the first one has video and the other is audio only. I love him but his humor is REALLY dark, not for everyone

Daniel Tosh is my favorite comedian, I think I can handle the dark humor lol.

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