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Women want a FAITHFUL partner..but not sex?


DarkReflection

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I was just reading an article about this..and I thought I'd open it up for discussion here.

 

Why is it that women expect faithfulness from a man. BUT deny men possibly the SINGLE GREATEST motivator for being in a relationship in the first place?

 

Seriously...what guy would EVER be in a long term relationship or marriage...if NO sex was involved?

 

What does a guy GAIN in a positive way from a long term relationship...that he cannot get elsewhere (ie..companionship/friendship...)..other than sex?

 

And if a guy ISNT getting sex...WHY should he stay?

 

You know how women go on and on about societal pressures and whatnot? I can totally see their point..I get it...society tells women to look and act a certain way etc.

 

But I think men have a similar experience...we are being CONDITIONED...to FLAT ACCEPT...lives without sex on a regular basis...because women are shouting from the hilltops...how it's somehow.."wrong"...or "bad" to "only want sex"

 

 

How many times have you heard..

 

"He JUST wants SEX."

 

Well.....YES! And what the F is WRONG with that?

 

Why is a woman wanting a relationship somehow more "noble" or acceptable...that a man wanting sex?

 

Seriously? I think it's time for a male revolution. And it basically goes something like this.

 

Sex IS important. WANTING sex is NOT WRONG. A MANS NEED...yes NEED...for SEX..is JUST AS IMPORTANT as a WOMANS ...NEED...for a relationship.

 

*chuckle*

 

discuss..

 

Cheers

 

-DR

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Why are you only using women as the target? There are many instances of the women being denied in a relationship...
This is very true, my buddy is dating a girl that looks good IMO, and he has to bring himself to bang her, and complains about her wanting sex. I tell him to quit b.itching, he's got a good thing. I think he just doesn't like her but is just with her for I don't know what.
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i dont want just sex. infact, i havnt slept with my past 2 girfriends, one of whom i dated for 1.8 years. we has oral and stuff, but never got around to acual sex, never had time really. and since we both still lived with our parents, there wasnt a place to do it anyway. sex is over rated, its ok, but meh. its not like its the first thing i think about when i see a girl, hanging out and smoking a bong is much more fun i think

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Why are you only using women as the target? There are many instances of the women being denied in a relationship...

 

Of course..you are absolutely correct.

 

Women are often denied things they want/need in a relationship.

 

BUT...it is discussed in various forums EVERYDAY. Much of day time television..ever hear of Oprah? *chuckle* Is dedicated to addressing the needs of women. We are constantly inundated with discussions about "healthy" and "productive" relationships...and it is often centered around the needs of women.

 

Long story short...it is widely considered.."okay"...or even..."expected" for women to discuss and DEMAND...certain things from the men they choose to have a relationship with.

 

AND YET...

 

Men...are vilified...for considering sex "on par" with the needs of women.

 

Sure we hear...tossed of dismissively.."Yes sex is important in a relationship..BUT..." And then onto the rant about what women need to make sex an "appropriate" request.

 

I am not suggesting that the needs of women are any less important than the needs of men. Absolutely not.

 

But the FACT is..

 

If a woman says she needs a man to be attentive and present and willing to talk about her day etc.

 

Everyone says..."Well of course. That's reasonable."

 

But if a man says..

 

I need a woman to have sex at least once a week. It is important to me. And if a woman is unwilling to accommodate that..then I do not want to pursue a relationship with that individual.

 

Everyone says.."Well...what an A hole...all he cares about is sex."

 

There is a serious double standard here. And I think we as a society have actively dismissed the very VALID desire in men..for regular sexual activity.

 

Men are WIRED..to want sex. The desire to have sex is very strong in men. Men are wired to want sex regularly. And yet...this is somehow "our fault" and an impure..or "wrong" desire.

 

I say no. It is natural. But men are being told to swim against the tide..so to speak..and deny their very natural inclination. I'm not suggesting rampant promiscuity. I'm simply saying..that sex should hold just as much weight in a relationship as the needs of women..and that desire for sex should NOT be vilified.

 

Cheers

 

-DR

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I wasn't talking about women's various needs in a relationship, I too was talking about the need for sex.

 

There are most likely a big piece of the population of women who are in a married relationship that are being denied sex by their partners.

 

It's no different. Simply making the debate non gender specific would have benefited you more...

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Relationships should not concentrate on sex' date=' that's the problem.

 

My girlfriend could decide to stop having sex with me, I wouldn't really throw a fit about it. I might have serious issues, since I don't NEED sex.[/quote']

 

True..every interaction in a relationship should not have sex involved.

 

But sex is one of those things where...if it is going well..and you have a "healthy" sexual relationship...it does infact kinda fade into the background...and that's fine and normal.

 

BUT...if you have a disfunctional sexual relationship...it comes RIGHT to the fore. And it becomes the 800 pound gorilla in the room..so to speak.

 

In a "good" relationship sexually speaking...yes...sex should just be a part of the relationship.

 

But in a "bad" relationship....sex becomes a HUGE issue.

 

For me personally..if my girlfriend stopping having sex with me. I wouldn't be antagonistic or feel ill-will toward her. But I would terminate the relationship. I refuse to simply accept a relationship without sex. And society shouldn't find anything wrong with that.

 

Cheers

 

-DR

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True..every interaction in a relationship should not have sex involved.

 

But sex is one of those things where...if it is going well..and you have a "healthy" sexual relationship...it does infact kinda fade into the background...and that's fine and normal.

 

BUT...if you have a disfunctional sexual relationship...it comes RIGHT to the fore. And it becomes the 800 pound gorilla in the room..so to speak.

 

In a "good" relationship sexually speaking...yes...sex should just be a part of the relationship.

 

But in a "bad" relationship....sex becomes a HUGE issue.

 

For me personally..if my girlfriend stopping having sex with me. I wouldn't be antagonistic or feel ill-will toward her. But I would terminate the relationship. I refuse to simply accept a relationship without sex. And society shouldn't find anything wrong with that.

 

Cheers

 

-DR

 

100% This^^ :)

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True..every interaction in a relationship should not have sex involved.

 

But sex is one of those things where...if it is going well..and you have a "healthy" sexual relationship...it does infact kinda fade into the background...and that's fine and normal.

 

BUT...if you have a disfunctional sexual relationship...it comes RIGHT to the fore. And it becomes the 800 pound gorilla in the room..so to speak.

 

In a "good" relationship sexually speaking...yes...sex should just be a part of the relationship.

 

But in a "bad" relationship....sex becomes a HUGE issue.

 

For me personally..if my girlfriend stopping having sex with me. I wouldn't be antagonistic or feel ill-will toward her. But I would terminate the relationship. I refuse to simply accept a relationship without sex. And society shouldn't find anything wrong with that.

 

Cheers

 

-DR

 

Honestly, that view is just shared amongst immature adults. No one really considers sex to be disgusting or vilified for that matter, it's a healthy intimate interaction between a couple.

 

Does Oprah banter on about how sex is disgusting? Yes, but Oprah basically concentrates on how evil and abusive men can be. A sexless marriage is considered just as bad as its counterpart, heck it can even be considered the point in which a relationship spirals into a pit of darkness.

 

You keep your woman happy and she will love sleeping with you. Act like an insensitive bum, and she won't. It basically comes down to it.

 

I've seen you post for awhile, and I can assume that you're a decent adult with no relationship issues. Anyone that views sex as evil is immature, and needs to find a GOOD mate.

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I wasn't talking about women's various needs in a relationship' date=' I too was talking about the need for sex.

 

There are most likely a big piece of the population of women who are in a married relationship that are being denied sex by their partners.

 

It's no different. Simply making the debate non gender specific would have benefited you more...[/quote']

 

Oh..I see what you are saying.

 

And the same applies for those women as well. If their sexual needs are not being met..they have every right to be unhappy about it. And express it...and terminate that relationship if need be.

 

The reason I made this "debate" gender specific is because..psychologically speaking...sex...is a stronger motivator and desire for men than women.

 

Women in general....are more willing to abstain from sex than are men.

 

It is a priority issue I suppose...sex is more "important" to men...than women...again..in general.

 

And yet...men...in general...are said to be..unscrupulous..or wrong...for saying that sex is a "must" or a relationship cannot continue.

 

If a man said he REFUSED to even TALK with the woman he was in a relationship with. There would be a huge outcry about what a **** that guy is. And I would agree.

 

But if a woman REFUSED to have SEX with the man she is in a relationship with.

People would think.."Oh well..I'm sure there is a REASON." Or.."I wonder what HE did?"

 

This doesn't happen in that first scenario....there is basically NO acceptable reason for a man to simply refuse to talk, for an extended period of time, with a woman he's in a relationship with.

 

Cheers

 

-DR

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Man or woman - if you stop having sex with your partner, expect the relationship to fail.

 

It might take weeks, months, or years - but it WILL fail....and when it does, do not act shocked or with disdain.

 

Sex is as essential IMO as food and shelter. Take a look at the animal kingdom...we are the only mammals with the power to play head games when it comes to sex.

 

We are nothing more than mammals at our core, so why wouldn't we want it/demand it as a need to be met?

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Honestly' date=' that view is just shared amongst immature adults. No one really considers sex to be disgusting or vilified for that matter, it's a healthy intimate interaction between a couple.

 

Does Oprah banter on about how sex is disgusting? Yes, but Oprah basically concentrates on how evil and abusive men can be. A sexless marriage is considered just as bad as its counterpart, heck it can even be considered the point in which a relationship spirals into a pit of darkness.

 

[b']You keep your woman happy and she will love sleeping with you. Act like an insensitive bum, and she won't. It basically comes down to it.[/b]

 

I've seen you post for awhile, and I can assume that you're a decent adult with no relationship issues. Anyone that views sex as evil is immature, and needs to find a GOOD mate.

 

 

*chuckle* Amen for the bold sir.

 

And thank you for the complimentary assumption.

 

Cheers sir!

 

-DR

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I know this is beyond you' date=' but people want to mate in order to have children and a family and a life.

 

Once you grow up you will understand better.[/quote']

 

*chuckle*

 

Get out of here kid. I have a feeling you are not properly equipped to engage in an intellgent discussion on this subject.

 

But I'd be glad to discuss the negative aspects of being kicked in the head by Crocop with you. That seems perhaps more apropos, given the plane you seem to operate on.

 

Cheers

 

-DR

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I know this is beyond you' date=' but people want to mate in order to have children and a family and a life.

 

Once you grow up you will understand better.[/quote']

 

Yes - obviously this is a main intention - but once all the children have been conceived, then what?

 

It is a means of pair bonding - letting each other know that each and every single time when you want that need met, that you are turning to THEM and choosing to be with them and them alone each time.

 

When one partner denies the other that opportunity - it can be devastating.

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Man or woman - if you stop having sex with your partner' date=' expect the relationship to fail.

 

It might take weeks, months, or years - but it WILL fail....and when it does, do not act shocked or with disdain.

 

Sex is as essential IMO as food and shelter. Take a look at the animal kingdom...we are the only mammals with the power to play head games when it comes to sex.

 

We are nothing more than mammals at our core, so why wouldn't we want it/demand it as a need to be met?[/quote']

 

This.. Bothers me a tad bit.

 

Yes we are mammals and part of the animal kingdom, but we also have freedom and intellect that is seen amongst humans only.

 

Priests, monks, and other "professions" ask that a person remains celibate, which is easily possible if you effort into it. This style of thinking can open up to casual sex, which is something I have a huge problem with.

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Man or woman - if you stop having sex with your partner' date=' expect the relationship to fail.

 

It might take weeks, months, or years - but it WILL fail....and when it does, do not act shocked or with disdain.

 

Sex is as essential IMO as food and shelter. Take a look at the animal kingdom...we are the only mammals with the power to play head games when it comes to sex.

 

We are nothing more than mammals at our core, so why wouldn't we want it/demand it as a need to be met?[/quote']

 

 

Amen. I wholeheartedly agree with your statements here. And I suppose this is the crux of what I'm getting at.

 

That sex SHOULD be considered equally important/essential as you say to a healthy relationship...on par with a healthy ability to communicate.

 

I would simply like society as a whole to acknowledge that. And it hasn't.

 

If an individual ended a relationship because of poor communication...it is accept..understood and condoned.

 

If however an individual ended a relationship because of infrequent sex.....there are often discussions about the integrity of the individual in question.

 

I see an apparent inequity between these two concepts.

 

Thanks again for the comments browneyedgirl...well done!

 

Cheers

 

-DR

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This.. Bothers me a tad bit.

 

Yes we are mammals and part of the animal kingdom' date=' but we also have freedom and intellect that is seen amongst humans only.

 

Priests, monks, and other "professions" ask that a person remains celibate, which is easily possible if you effort into it. This style of thinking can open up to casual sex, which is something I have a huge problem with.[/quote']

 

Nowhere did I make any mention of casual sex.

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This.. Bothers me a tad bit.

 

Yes we are mammals and part of the animal kingdom' date=' but we also have freedom and intellect that is seen amongst humans only.

 

Priests, monks, and other "professions" ask that a person remains celibate, which is easily possible if you effort into it. This style of thinking can open up to casual sex, which is something I have a huge problem with.[/quote']

 

I agree with your point, although I am a giant hypocrite. That being said, I do not doubt for one second that part of the reason I am perpetually single and looking and finding new sexual partners is because things move too quickly. Sex is like the gauge to determine how you are. Chances are, if the sex is good, and not just physically good like animals, but there is a connection being made during it, which never happens for me, then the relationship is doing well. When things aren't going well it will be evident in bed. Also, when things get to the bed before the steps are taken to to have trust it will be evident in bed. For me, anyways.

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*chuckle*

 

Get out of here kid. I have a feeling you are not properly equipped to engage in an intellgent discussion on this subject.

 

But I'd be glad to discuss the negative aspects of being kicked in the head by Crocop with you. That seems perhaps more apropos' date=' given the plane you seem to operate on.

 

Cheers

 

-DR[/quote']

 

Woman want kids and family and a life.

 

Maybe when you get a life you'll finally get a woman.

 

 

Note the bold.

 

 

I submit my first piece of evidence in support of my contention above.

 

*chuckle*

 

Cheers

 

-DR

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cause that happens like every blue moon

 

It happens way more than one might think. You just don't hear about it as much.

 

Could you imagine a woman being as vocal as a man on this topic.

 

"My husband won't have sex with me...I have tried everything...I am about to go get me a piece if something doesn't change."

 

See how terrible that sounds? Exactly. That is why women say nothing about it.

 

:)

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But men are being told to swim against the tide..so to speak..and deny their very natural inclination. I'm not suggesting rampant promiscuity. I'm simply saying..that sex should hold just as much weight in a relationship as the needs of women..and that desire for sex should NOT be vilified.

 

This.. Bothers me a tad bit.

 

Yes we are mammals and part of the animal kingdom' date=' but we also have freedom and intellect that is seen amongst humans only.

 

Priests, monks, and other "professions" ask that a person remains celibate, which is easily possible if you effort into it. This style of thinking can open up to casual sex, which is something I have a huge problem with.[/quote']

 

 

Celibacy while possible...is NOT a natural act. While I believe it to be a completely valid choice...because it truly is an INDIVIDUAL choice...I do not think it constitutes a valid argument to support infrequent sex between "normal" couples.

 

I also included something I said earlier..just to make clear that I am in no way condoning...unsafe promiscuity.

 

Though we may disagree about certain aspects of this issue, thank you very much for your MATURE, and INTELLIGENT contribution to this discussion.

 

Cheers sir!

 

-DR

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It happens way more than one might think. You just don't hear about it as much.

 

Could you imagine a woman being as vocal as a man on this topic.

 

"My husband won't have sex with me...I have tried everything...I am about to go get me a piece if something doesn't change."

 

See how terrible that sounds? Exactly. That is why women say nothing about it.

 

:)

 

You must be joking.

 

All woman talk about is not getting enough from their hubbies.

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It happens way more than one might think. You just don't hear about it as much.

 

Could you imagine a woman being as vocal as a man on this topic.

 

"My husband won't have sex with me...I have tried everything...I am about to go get me a piece if something doesn't change."

 

See how terrible that sounds? Exactly. That is why women say nothing about it.

 

:)

I speak from experience, women are more hormongenous when it comes to sex. Is that even a word?

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Celibacy while possible...is NOT a natural act. While I believe it to be a completely valid choice...because it truly is an INDIVIDUAL choice...I do not think it constitutes a valid argument to support infrequent sex between "normal" couples.

 

I also included something I said earlier..just to make clear that I am in no way condoning...unsafe promiscuity.

 

Though we may disagree about certain aspects of this issue' date=' thank you very much for your MATURE, and INTELLIGENT contribution to this discussion.

 

Cheers sir!

 

-DR[/quote']

 

Oh, I agree with you. What I don't accept is casual sex.

 

Lots of couples use lack of sex as an excuse to cheat. Adultery should NEVER be accepted.

 

It doesn't matter if your instincts tell you to sleep with the first bar wench you spot, you should be mature enough to stop, think, and go communicate with your wife about the relationship. Excuses are excuses in the end.

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We are only mammals at our core' date=' so we should let our instincts control us?

 

Maybe I'm just being picky, I'm sure that's not what you were aiming for.[/quote']

 

Our intincts should not control us...but nor should they be ignored entirely. They are there for a reason...and they are valid..it is part of our natural makeup so to speak.

 

So yes...instinctually ..in general..men want to have sex with every attractive woman they see.

 

Should we realize this inclination? No...it is unsafe and irresponsible.

 

But should we deny our sexual impulse entirely? Absolutely not. We need to make sure we find a partner who satisfies our individual need..and we should not vilify someone for having sexual gratification a high priority in their decision to keep/seek a partner.

 

Cheers

 

-DR

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It happens way more than one might think. You just don't hear about it as much.

 

Could you imagine a woman being as vocal as a man on this topic.

 

"My husband won't have sex with me...I have tried everything...I am about to go get me a piece if something doesn't change."

 

See how terrible that sounds? Exactly. That is why women say nothing about it.

 

:)

 

this is true. some women are deprived as well. that being said, it is, in both cases, a result of things not being right in the relationship that they need to fix not just getting some. that's where things are off. if a relationship is healthy this will never be a problem unless there are medical reasons.

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This is very true' date=' my buddy is dating a girl that looks good IMO, and he has to bring himself to bang her, and complains about her wanting sex. I tell him to quit b.itching, he's got a good thing. I think he just doesn't like her but is just with her for I don't know what.[/quote']

 

 

Maybe he is gay, not that there is anything wrong with that.

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Oh' date=' I agree with you. What I don't accept is casual sex.

 

Lots of couples use lack of sex as an excuse to cheat. Adultery should NEVER be accepted.

 

It doesn't matter if your instincts tell you to sleep with the first bar wench you spot, you should be mature enough to stop, think, and go communicate with your wife about the relationship. Excuses are excuses in the end.[/quote']

 

well, to be honest, you are right and not accepting it within your life is acceptable but it happens in society and it just is what it is. it's an individual thing.

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the basic fact of this is that if you and a woman go to the pictures together, go for a drink or out for a meal and make a point of spending time together but are not having sex, then you are good friends, add sex into this and you are in a relationship, the only exception to this is when you first meet, you do things together in the hope of progressing into a relationship

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This is very true' date=' my buddy is dating a girl that looks good IMO, and he has to bring himself to bang her, and complains about her wanting sex. I tell him to quit b.itching, he's got a good thing. I think he just doesn't like her but is just with her for I don't know what.[/quote']

 

not all good looking girls are good in bed. I've had sex many good looking girls that are terrible in bed. Actually any girl I've been with that was really, really attractive, like a 9 or so, just f***ing lay there. it works for the first 20 times but then it just gets old. They still have to do SOMETHING. They are alos less advanturous and get frustrated if you aren't hard in 5 seconds just from looking at their naked body, which as I said, wears off after 20 times.

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the basic fact of this is that if you and a woman go to the pictures together' date=' go for a drink or out for a meal and make a point of spending time together but are not having sex, then you are good friends, add sex into this and you are in a relationship, the only exception to this is when you first meet, you do things together in the hope of progressing into a relationship[/quote']

I bypass all the formalities and endless charades and go for the kill at first sight.

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True..every interaction in a relationship should not have sex involved.

 

But sex is one of those things where...if it is going well..and you have a "healthy" sexual relationship...it does infact kinda fade into the background...and that's fine and normal.

 

BUT...if you have a disfunctional sexual relationship...it comes RIGHT to the fore. And it becomes the 800 pound gorilla in the room..so to speak.

 

In a "good" relationship sexually speaking...yes...sex should just be a part of the relationship.

 

But in a "bad" relationship....sex becomes a HUGE issue.

 

For me personally..if my girlfriend stopping having sex with me. I wouldn't be antagonistic or feel ill-will toward her. But I would terminate the relationship. I refuse to simply accept a relationship without sex. And society shouldn't find anything wrong with that.

 

Cheers

 

-DR

 

This.

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this is true. some women are deprived as well. that being said' date=' it is, in both cases, a result of things not being right in the relationship that they need to fix not just getting some. that's where things are off. if a relationship is healthy this will never be a problem unless there are medical reasons.[/quote']

 

Right too. The problem is never really the sex. It manifests that way. If one partner KNOWS it is important to the other, and is not happy with them or something they did - I cannot think of a better way to make that other person feel like they don't exist than to withhold sex.

 

It is a classic passive-agressive move designed to exercise power and control over the other partner. Any time this happens - it simply cannot end well.

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Right too. The problem is never really the sex. It manifests that way. If one partner KNOWS it is important to the other' date=' and is not happy with them or something they did - I cannot think of a better way to make that other person feel like they don't exist than to withhold sex.

 

It is a classic passive-agressive move designed to exercise power and control over the other partner. Any time this happens - it simply cannot end well.[/quote']

 

it's better than sleeping with her sister though, trust me. jk

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Right too. The problem is never really the sex. It manifests that way. If one partner KNOWS it is important to the other' date=' and is not happy with them or something they did - I cannot think of a better way to make that other person feel like they don't exist than to withhold sex.

 

It is a classic passive-agressive move designed to exercise power and control over the other partner. Any time this happens -[b'] it simply cannot end well[/b].

 

I agree anytime either partner begins to use sex as a weapon or control they have disrespected their partner and it's just the beginning of the end. This is more common women I feel and it can be avoided. Some women withhold sex when they are angry, but this is a big mistake. The best sex, by far, is angry make-up sex.

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