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a blueprint for getting into heaven.


BJBJJ

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so heres the deal.

 

I have lived a less than virtuous life.

 

if you knew me or if you saw the pile of corpses then you would understand why I say this.

........ so many lives needlessly cut short..........

 

anyways........ I enjoy living the indulgent, hollow, self absorbed lifestyle I have become accustom to. it suits me. BUT I definitely dont want to go to hell after I die.

being on the recieving end of torture is simply not my style.

 

so heres my plan.

 

 

 

at the gates of heaven where St. peter stands checking everyones tickets, I will wait paitiently for my turn.

 

when I am at the head of the line and saint peter says

"ticket please"

 

I will say

"oh yah..... I got it right here, just gimme a second"

"holly crap its gone! those homosexual jews in the back must have took it!"

 

at which point I am relatively certain that peter will either scream "homosexuals?!" or "jews?!" and rush to the back of the line.

 

now I barge through the gates of heaven, jam a chair under the door knob, and use the hammer I brought with me to nail boards across the gate ala night of the living dead to prevent them from opening the gates to catch me. (its heaven, obviously they will have some spare lumber lying around SOMEWHERE.)

 

I am relatively confident that there is some rule that says you cant be caste out of heaven, that or I will be able to find a good hiding spot till the heat dies down.

 

either way..... IM IN BABY!

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so heres the deal.

 

I have lived a less than virtuous life.

 

if you knew me or if you saw the pile of corpses then you would understand why I say this.

........ so many lives needlessly cut short..........

 

anyways........ I enjoy living the indulgent' date=' hollow, self absorbed lifestyle I have become accustom to. it suits me. BUT I definitely dont want to go to hell after I die.

being on the recieving end of torture is simply not my style.

 

so heres my plan.

 

 

 

at the gates of heaven where St. peter stands checking everyones tickets, I will wait paitiently for my turn.

 

when I am at the head of the line and saint peter says

"ticket please"

 

I will say

"oh yah..... I got it right here, just gimme a second"

"holly crap its gone! those homosexual jews in the back must have took it!"

 

at which point I am relatively certain that peter will either scream "homosexuals?!" or "jews?!" and rush to the back of the line.

 

now I barge through the gates of heaven, jam a chair under the door knob, and use the hammer I brought with me to nail boards across the gate ala night of the living dead to prevent them from opening the gates to catch me.

 

I am relatively confident that there is some rule that says you cant be caste out of heaven, that or I will be able to find a good hiding spot till the heat dies down.

 

either way..... IM IN BABY![/quote']

 

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so heres the deal.

 

I have lived a less than virtuous life.

 

if you knew me or if you saw the pile of corpses then you would understand why I say this.

........ so many lives needlessly cut short..........

 

anyways........ I enjoy living the indulgent' date=' hollow, self absorbed lifestyle I have become accustom to. it suits me. BUT I definitely dont want to go to hell after I die.

being on the recieving end of torture is simply not my style.

 

so heres my plan.

 

 

 

at the gates of heaven where St. peter stands checking everyones tickets, I will wait paitiently for my turn.

 

when I am at the head of the line and saint peter says

"ticket please"

 

I will say

"oh yah..... I got it right here, just gimme a second"

"holly crap its gone! those homosexual jews in the back must have took it!"

 

at which point I am relatively certain that peter will either scream "homosexuals?!" or "jews?!" and rush to the back of the line.

 

now I barge through the gates of heaven, jam a chair under the door knob, and use the hammer I brought with me to nail boards across the gate ala night of the living dead to prevent them from opening the gates to catch me. (its heaven, obviously they will have some spare lumber lying around SOMEWHERE.)

 

I am relatively confident that there is some rule that says you cant be caste out of heaven, that or I will be able to find a good hiding spot till the heat dies down.

 

either way..... IM IN BABY![/quote']

 

well thought out plan.

 

flawless execution.

 

if heaven does exist, i will use the old "kick 'em in the shin bone, make a mad dash for the gate" technique.

 

i too agree that there has to be a rule, once inside always inside. i'd hate to see the doorman get fired for not performing his duties correctly.

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The Bible states that the gates of the New Jerusalem (you might call it Heaven) are NEVER shut. The Bible says that outside the gates are the fearful, the unbelieving, and a list of horrible people such as murderers. Do you know why the gates are never closed? It is b/c the atheist (and people of a like character/mind) will never walk through those gates even if standing right in front of them. They did not love God on earth…they rejected God on earth…and so all God is doing is honoring their rebuke and rejection of Him, by giving them the free-will to decide their own fate. They say from their own hearts that there is no God…that is a heartfelt belief. And if they die in that same state of rejecting God, they will continue to reject God throughout eternity. That is why the gates of Heaven are never shut.

 

So you wouldn't have to kick-in the gates at all...they're left open :)

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The Bible states that the gates of the New Jerusalem (you might call it Heaven) are NEVER shut. The Bible says that outside the gates are the fearful' date=' the unbelieving, and a list of horrible people such as murderers. Do you know why the gates are never closed? It is b/c the atheist (and people of a like character/mind) will never walk through those gates even if standing right in front of them. They did not love God on earth?they rejected God on earth?and so all God is doing is honoring their rebuke and rejection of Him, by giving them the free-will to decide their own fate. They say from their own hearts that there is no God?that is a heartfelt belief. And if they die in that same state of rejecting God, they will continue to reject God throughout eternity. That is why the gates of Heaven are never shut.

 

So you wouldn't have to kick-in the gates at all...they're left open :)[/quote']

 

win

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The Bible states that the gates of the New Jerusalem (you might call it Heaven) are NEVER shut. The Bible says that outside the gates are the fearful' date=' the unbelieving, and a list of horrible people such as murderers. Do you know why the gates are never closed? It is b/c the atheist (and people of a like character/mind) will never walk through those gates even if standing right in front of them. They did not love God on earth?they rejected God on earth?and so all God is doing is honoring their rebuke and rejection of Him, by giving them the free-will to decide their own fate. They say from their own hearts that there is no God?that is a heartfelt belief. And if they die in that same state of rejecting God, they will continue to reject God throughout eternity. That is why the gates of Heaven are never shut.

 

So you wouldn't have to kick-in the gates at all...they're left open :)[/quote']

 

co-sign

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The Bible states that the gates of the New Jerusalem (you might call it Heaven) are NEVER shut. The Bible says that outside the gates are the fearful' date=' the unbelieving, and a list of horrible people such as murderers. Do you know why the gates are never closed? It is b/c the atheist (and people of a like character/mind) will never walk through those gates even if standing right in front of them. They did not love God on earth?they rejected God on earth?and so all God is doing is honoring their rebuke and rejection of Him, by giving them the free-will to decide their own fate. They say from their own hearts that there is no God?that is a heartfelt belief. And if they die in that same state of rejecting God, they will continue to reject God throughout eternity. That is why the gates of Heaven are never shut.

 

So you wouldn't have to kick-in the gates at all...they're left open :)[/quote']

 

I will shut them behind me and board them up so they cant drag me out.

 

then I will hide from the heaven police.

 

you know, fake mustache, glasses. the works.

 

I will also high five jesus alot so that if they ever catch onto me then I can say "come on jesus! I thought we were pals?"

and jesus will feel guilty and be all like

"oh.... your right.......dont take him away boys"

 

then I will be all like

"hehehe.....sucker"

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I will shut them behind me and board them up so they cant drag me out.

 

then I will hide from the heaven police.

 

you know' date=' fake mustache, glasses. the works.

 

I will also high five jesus alot so that if they ever catch onto me then I can say "come on jesus! I thought we were pals?"

and jesus will feel guilty and be all like

"oh.... your right.......dont take him away boys"

 

then I will be all like

"hehehe.....sucker"[/quote']

 

 

How easy is it to deceive Jesus you think?

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I have no idea what Dcent is trying to imply here nor do I believe he knows what he has implied. From this passage, I have been able to dissect the meaning of which he did not intend. This is a direct attack on government and or any cultures upholding God to be the true savior while at the same time persecuting homosexuals. Unknowingly, Dcent has compared these governments to God and has revealed the similarities in which both of these entities operate.

 

Heaven is supposedly virtuous and yet it denies homosexuals a place of residence. Government, which is the fore-front of justice, denies homosexuals the right to be happy.

 

If God is the virtuous entity we know him to be, why do I need to repent or ask for forgiveness to be forgiven? Why must I seek God in order to receive his grace? Why can’t I receive it unconditionally?

 

In this passage, God and government operate in similar manners.

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I have no idea what Dcent is trying to imply here nor do I believe he knows what he has implied. From this passage' date=' I have been able to dissect the meaning of which he did not intend. This is a direct attack on government and or any cultures upholding God to be the true savior while at the same time persecuting homosexuals. Unknowingly, Dcent has compared these governments to God and has revealed the similarities in which both of these entities operate.

 

Heaven is supposedly virtuous and yet it denies homosexuals a place of residence. Government, which is the fore-front of justice, denies homosexuals the right to be happy.

 

If God is the virtuous entity we know him to be, why do I need to repent or ask for forgiveness to be forgiven? Why must I seek God in order to receive his grace? Why can?t I receive it unconditionally?

 

In this passage, God and government operate in similar manners.[/quote']

 

 

Homosexuals happiness shouldn't lie with the government should it?

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How easy is it to deceive Jesus you think?

 

pfft.

cant be too hard.

 

I mean, judas showed up at the last supper covered with gaudy bling.

 

a pendant, gold encrusted sunglasses, a grill, and one of those rings that takes up 3 finders and say "BOOYA!"

 

if I were mans lord and savior I would be all like.

 

 

"hey judas!, for schizzle, where'd you get the 30 pieces of silver required to buy all that bling?"

 

you know what I mean

 

for reals.... I would know that something was up.

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I have no idea what Dcent is trying to imply here nor do I believe he knows what he has implied. From this passage' date=' I have been able to dissect the meaning of which he did not intend. This is a direct attack on government and or any cultures upholding God to be the true savior while at the same time persecuting homosexuals. Unknowingly, Dcent has compared these governments to God and has revealed the similarities in which both of these entities operate.

 

Heaven is supposedly virtuous and yet it denies homosexuals a place of residence. Government, which is the fore-front of justice, denies homosexuals the right to be happy.

 

If God is the virtuous entity we know him to be, why do I need to repent or ask for forgiveness to be forgiven? Why must I seek God in order to receive his grace? Why can?t I receive it unconditionally?

 

In this passage, God and government operate in similar manners.[/quote']

 

 

 

way to vivisect my dog, jerk face!

 

you will be receiving his vet bill in the mail.

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pfft.

cant be too hard.

 

I mean' date=' judas showed up at the last supper covered with gaudy bling.

 

a pendant, gold encrusted sunglasses, a grill, and one of those rings that takes up 3 finders and say "BOOYA!"

 

if I were mans lord and savior I would be all like.

 

 

"hey judas!, for schizzle, where'd you get the 30 pieces of silver required to buy all that bling?"

 

you know what I mean

 

for reals.... I would know that something was up.[/quote']

 

Word

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pfft.

cant be too hard.

 

I mean' date=' judas showed up at the last supper covered with gaudy bling.

 

a pendant, gold encrusted sunglasses, a grill, and one of those rings that takes up 3 finders and say "BOOYA!"

 

if I were mans lord and savior I would be all like.

 

 

"hey judas!, for schizzle, where'd you get the 30 pieces of silver required to buy all that bling?"

 

you know what I mean

 

for reals.... I would know that something was up.[/quote']

 

OWNED.gif

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Heaven is supposedly virtuous and yet it denies homosexuals a place of residence. Government' date=' which is the fore-front of justice, denies homosexuals the right to be happy.[/quote']

 

God does not deny "a place of residence" in heaven for homosexuals.

 

If God is the virtuous entity we know him to be' date=' why do I need to repent or ask for forgiveness to be forgiven? Why must I seek God in order to receive his grace? Why can?t I receive it unconditionally?[/quote']

 

Here's my opinion from the Christian perspective:

 

You have to repent b/c God is not compatible with Sin. BUT, God is continually giving you unconditional love and forgiveness...but it's up to you to accept it. God is not rejecting you by requiring that you to seek forgiveness, but if you refuse to seek God and repent then it is you rejecting God's love and forgiveness b/c of your own arogance and pride...God hasn't moved, He is still right there waiting for you to accept His love and forgiveness. If a person refuses to accept the love of God, then he has ?rejected? the Love of God. And since we believe God is the source and fountain of Life, then to reject life is to accept the polar opposite of life which is?DEATH. This is what we mean when we say separation from God equals death. God's love flows from Him to everyone...it's just some poeple experience God's love as a burning fire b/c they have rejected God, and have chosen to accept sin and god is not compatible with sin so God's love consumes their sin like a burning fire. Others experience God's love as a river of life b/c they have accepted God's Love and asked for forgiveness. It's not that God's Love is changing from one person to another...God's love is experienced in different ways based on the nature and character of the individual who is experiencing God's love.

 

 

Think of this: You are drowning in a river that is filled with very strong currents. I throw you a life preserver to save you from certain death, but you refuse to accept it. I continue to plead with you to accept the life preserver, but you refuse. Instead you believe you can save yourself from the strong currents of the river. You continue to fight the current, and continue to reject the life preserver, but in the end you drown. Now, was it me who drowned you? Or was it your rejection of the life preserver that killed you?

 

One reason Christians believe that God sent Jesus Christ (the historically documented person) to suffer and die is so that we would have the ability to conquer the very thing that enslaves us all?Death. From the moment we are born, we are unfairly stricken with Death. By ourselves, we cannot conquer death. This is one reason why Jesus existed, suffered, and died, then conquered death Himself which was witnessed by many during that day (The Resurrection of Jesus Christ). Since we could not conquer death on our own, God sent us a Life Preserver that will save us from the hold of physical death, but will also save us from spiritual death.

 

God wants to reconcile with everyone, but God cannot reconcile with wickedness and/or godlessness. The individual who is an otherwise good person may not be wicked, but he is ?godless? (meaning without God). God is not compatible with evil?but he gave us all free-will to make our own choices. God has given everyone the chance to accept His Love, but some people choose to reject Him for one reason or another. So it?s not that God is not offering you unconditional love and forgiveness, it's that you have to be willing to accept it.

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