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PLEASE HELP!..... I need to know how to break a gypsy curse.


BJBJJ

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so recently, on my way to church, I tripped over a vagrant woman.

she was sprawled across the sidewalk draped in tattered rags and smelling of bourbon and urine.

 

I stumbled, then turned to see what I had tripped over, realizing it was a kindly old troglodytic lady I offered my hand in order to help her to her feet, not realizing that in reality vagrants have nowhere to be anytime soon.

 

when she grabbed my hand I realized how strong this seemingly necrotic old hag really was, she pulled me to the ground beside her and licked my face, real slow like. then muttered the word "syphalitaca" into my ear.

 

not knowing what was going on I leaped to my feet frightened, at which point I realized that she had infact leaped to her feet even quicker than I had ( and I am a young able bodied man, by no means some disgusting geriatric corpse as she appeared to be.)

 

she began cackling like a murder of crows might when feasting on some carcass.

 

I immediately ran to church. after service was over I asked father rapesalot (an unfortunate name) what he thought about the altercation I had with the vagrant lady, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, then returned his glasses to their proper place perched on his suspiciously jewy nose (suspicious for a catholic priest that is, not for like a banker or a rabbi or anything) then he said

 

"son.... that disgusting sack of harpy skin you walked into, as crooked and saggy as a 70 year old genital sac, that hobgobliny old harpy was a gypsy, and she has put a curse on you my son. the curse called syphalitica"

 

"oh my god!" I stated.... then fell into an awkward silence having just taken the lords name in vain infront of my priest (albeit, I still think god was being a bit of a butt hole for putting me in this situation to begin with)

 

"oh my god" I stated, "so, what does this mean? will I be dragged to hell like when the girl got cursed by the gypsy in the film "dragged to hell", or will I get increasingly thinner until I waste away to nothing, like the guy who got cursed by a gypsy in the film "thinner"?

 

"no..... those are just movies" said the priest.

" no..... but you probably to have syphilis...... if I were you I would go get that checked out......and, ah..... wash your hands before you touch my door knob would yah?"

 

so I guess to make a long story short........

I ****ed this hooker last week who gave me syphilis..... you figure my wife will buy my story or what?

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Depends.

Is your wife's name Helen Keller? I'm sure she'd believe you, acknowledging your story with a "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA".

 

If not, your wife's age and hair color will come into play.

For example, I've heard that hookers are invisible to women under 35, leading to my conclusion that they believe that they "don't exist". Gypsies are a MUCH more realistic alternative.

I've also heard that redheads have a natural aversion to syphilis.

 

If none of these apply, I wish you good luck broski.

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so recently' date=' on my way to church, I tripped over a vagrant woman.

she was sprawled across the sidewalk draped in tattered rags and smelling of bourbon and urine.

 

I stumbled, then turned to see what I had tripped over, realizing it was a kindly old troglodytic lady I offered my hand in order to help her to her feet, not realizing that in reality vagrants have nowhere to be anytime soon.

 

when she grabbed my hand I realized how strong this seemingly necrotic old hag really was, she pulled me to the ground beside her and licked my face, real slow like. then muttered the word "syphalitaca" into my ear.

 

not knowing what was going on I leaped to my feet frightened, at which point I realized that she had infact leaped to her feet even quicker than I had ( and I am a young able bodied man, by no means some disgusting geriatric corpse as she appeared to be.)

 

she began cackling like a murder of crows might when feasting on some carcass.

 

I immediately ran to church. after service was over I asked father rapesalot (an unfortunate name) what he thought about the altercation I had with the vagrant lady, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, then returned his glasses to their proper place perched on his suspiciously jewy nose (suspicious for a catholic priest that is, not for like a banker or a rabbi or anything) then he said

 

"son.... that disgusting sack of harpy skin you walked into, as crooked and saggy as a 70 year old genital sac, that hobgobliny old harpy was a gypsy, and she has put a curse on you my son. the curse called syphalitica"

 

"oh my god!" I stated.... then fell into an awkward silence having just taken the lords name in vain infront of my priest (albeit, I still think god was being a bit of a butt hole for putting me in this situation to begin with)

 

"oh my god" I stated, "so, what does this mean? will I be dragged to hell like when the girl got cursed by the gypsy in the film "dragged to hell", or will I get increasingly thinner until I waste away to nothing, like the guy who got cursed by a gypsy in the film "thinner"?

 

"no..... those are just movies" said the priest.

" no..... but you probably to have syphilis...... if I were you I would go get that checked out......and, ah..... wash your hands before you touch my door knob would yah?"

 

so I guess to make a long story short........

I ****ed this hooker last week who gave me syphilis..... you figure my wife will buy my story or what?[/quote']

 

Wait a minute I've seen this thread before. I could have sworn this is stolen material from that dr. phil guy that used to come here. Shame on you Dcent.

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yah... thats right!

 

shame on you mr Dcent!

 

 

your rugged good looks and chiseled physique can only get you so far in life.

 

I apologize my dr phil mcgraw.

I feel bottomless shame right now.

 

I was running out of material, and truth be told, I always thought you were better than me in all aspects of life.

 

your well proportioned and highly symetrical face.

 

your MASSIVE genitalia.

 

and of course your literary prowess.

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I apologize my dr phil mcgraw.

I feel bottomless shame right now.

 

I was running out of material' date=' and truth be told, I always thought you were better than me in all aspects of life.

 

your well proportioned and highly symetrical face.

 

your MASSIVE genitalia.

 

and of course your literary prowess.[/quote']

 

apology accepted.

 

I have the utmost respect for what you do around here.

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