Jump to content
UFC® Fight Club – Forum

this thread's a joke

randomfightfan

By randomfightfan
in Outside the UFC

Recommended Posts

randomfightfan

randomfightfan

Posted
Posted

never regret anything that made you laugh. if something made you laugh, post it whether it be a vid, pic, story, joke, w/e.

 

story

Suring my cast party, everybody was getting pretty slammed pretty darn fast. By the first 15 mins I was 8 shots deep... as was everybody else. After a few hours, I strike up a conversation with the hottest girl in the school and we start hitting it off. We talk for about 20 mins, flirting back and forth, before I excuse myself for a minute to stock back up with the Captain. A few more drinks go down and I make my way bak to find her. I see her standing across the room staring at me with these come bang me eyes. I casually make my way towards her, but after i cross half the distance, my buddy, jumps over the couch and pushes me out of the way and onto her. They immediately start making out for the next 2 hours as I get ****-blocked to the extreem (yes we were all that drunk)

 

If this wasn't bad enough, we were both so trashed by the end of the night, we both needed to stay. Since there was a shortage of beds, we had to share... a sleeping bag. As we are going to sleep, he falls face first into the floor and passes out... but not before he throws up on my side of the sleeping bag... and pillow. I take the floor, fall asleep, and 3 hours later, wake up for school. Here's the worst part. After he wakes up, he asks what did he do last night. He doesn't even have the memory of what happend the night before. He doesn't even remember anything or how he even made it to the party. FML

 

joke

2 dwarfs go into a bar and pick up 2 girls, where they take them back to each of their individual rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get it up. He gets even more depressed because he has to listen to his friend crie out "Here I come again... 1,2,3... UHHHHHH!!!". ALL NIGHT LONG.

In the morning, the second little guy asks how it went. The first one says, "It was so embarassing... I couldn't even get it up." The second laughs and says, "You thing that's embarassing?? I couldn't even get up onto the freaking bed!"

 

funny-picture-1475818506.jpg

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
randomfightfan

randomfightfan

Posted
  • Author
Posted

a married man gets into a serious accidens. He suffered a serious injury where his "spaceship" was taken from him. He later asks his doctor if there is anything that he could do to help him. The doctor replies, "Well sir, with today's latest advancement in medicin, we can do something to help. However, it will not come cheap. It will cost 10 000 for a small, 25 000 for a medium, and 35 000 for a large." The man is sure that he wants a medium or a large but the doctor urges him to go home, talk to his wife, and sleep on it before he makes any decisions.

The next day, the man comes back to the hospital, looking terrible. The doctor asks, "So... did you find out what you want?" The man looks up and replies, "She said she'd rather remodel the kitchen."

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Dick_Fitzswell

Dick_Fitzswell

Posted
Posted

this didn't happen to me...happened to a co-worker of mine about 7 years back in college. he was hammered at a party and ended up pickin up this girl and goin back to her dorm. anyway, they ****ed that nite and he woke up in the morning with diarhea all over the place. turns out he was so hammered he **** himself during the middle of the night and didnt know. neither did she, as she was too passed out. he said thier was literally diarhea all over him, and the bed. he went to the bathroom to clean up when he realized this brilliant idea. he didnt want to just leave, because obviously this would get passed around and hed be known as the bed ****ter, and let alone having to look at this girl ever again. so he went to the bathroom, grabbed some tissue, and wiped some feces up and then continued to smear it on the girls passed out body, including all over her ****. this way, when she wakes up, hes gone, and she thinks she is the one that **** everywhere.

 

lmfao

Link to comment
Share on other sites
randomfightfan

randomfightfan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Sorry man' date=' had to. Although I chuckled at some, this is a family forum.[/quote']

aw man i was hoping this would be free of censorship as long as it was a joke... but i get why you had to do it

 

 

wana hear a dirty joke?

man fell in the mud

 

wana hear a clean joke?

man too a bath

 

wana hear a dirty joke?

man fell in the mud again

 

wana hear a clean joke?

man took a bath with bubbles

 

wana hear a dirty joke?

bubbles was his neighbour

Link to comment
Share on other sites
randomfightfan

randomfightfan

Posted
  • Author
Posted

one day, a bird sees this delicious cow turd lieing on the lawn. the bird flied down, eats his fill, flies to a nearby well, and falls off the handle dead.

 

next day, another bird sees this same delicious cow pie, flies down, eats his fill, flies to the well, and falls over dead.

 

moral of the story?? don't fly off the handle when you're full of crap

Link to comment
Share on other sites
BJBJJ

BJBJJ

Posted
Posted
a married man gets into a serious accidens. He suffered a serious injury where his "spaceship" was taken from him. He later asks his doctor if there is anything that he could do to help him. The doctor replies' date=' "Well sir, with today's latest advancement in medicin, we can do something to help. However, it will not come cheap. It will cost 10 000 for a small, 25 000 for a medium, and 35 000 for a large." The man is sure that he wants a medium or a large but the doctor urges him to go home, talk to his wife, and sleep on it before he makes any decisions.

The next day, the man comes back to the hospital, looking terrible. The doctor asks, "So... did you find out what you want?" The man looks up and replies, "She said she'd rather remodel the kitchen."[/quote']

 

lol.

 

good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a guy pukes all over himself every time he drinks with his friends.

so his wife says "thats it.... you arent allowed to drink with your friends anymore"

 

3 years later a friend is in town on business,

 

"hey buddy, come drinking!"

"oh man I cant, the wife said if I go out drinking and puke all over myself again she is leaving me and taking the kids"

 

"no problem buddy, just put a 50 in your shirt pocket before you go out, then drink, puke all over yourself, and when you get home tell the old lady that some other guy puked on you but its okay because he gave you 50$ for the drycleaning"

 

"your a genius"

 

so sure as **** he goes out drinking and pukes all over himself.

when he gets home the wife is waiting at the door with a suitcase.

"Im leaving, you went out drinking and puked all over yourself"

 

"no baby, see, its not like that.....see, I DID go out and I DID drink, but this guy beside me was HAMMERED and HE puked on me..... but its okay because he gave me 50$ for the dry cleaning and its right here in my shirt pocket"

 

the wife reaches into the pocket and pulls out 2 50's

 

"whats this other 50$ from?"

 

 

 

"oh....well.....AFTER that guy puked all over my shirt........ he **** in my pants."

 

 

 

 

.........

 

 

 

 

HAYO!

 

I AM LEAVING THE FORUM FOREVER!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...