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Ponderings of an idle brain


joshdfs

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1? I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

 

2? There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

 

3? Life is sexually transmitted.

 

4? Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 

5? The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 

6? Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

 

7? Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

 

8? Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

 

9? All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 

10? In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

11? How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

 

 

12? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

 

13? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

 

 

14? Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

 

 

15? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 

 

16? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

 

 

17? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

 

 

18? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

 

19? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

 

 

20? Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

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nice, heres a few more

how do you know when you run out of invisable ink?

if fed ex and ups merged would the new company be called fed-up?

if most accidents happen within 5 miles from where you live, why not move 10 miles away.

if a chronic liar tells you he is lying, do you believe him?

if a #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it #2

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lol.

 

I found #12 pretty funny as just this morning as I was making breakfast I was wondering to myself' date=' who first thought..hmm I wonder what that unborn chicken tastes like.[/quote']

 

Ha, Yeah I always think that when I'm eating a lobster or a crab. How hungry did the first person to eat one of those things have to be? The taste must have been quite a surprise.

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I want to know who was the first caveman to crack open an oyster and suck that sucker down. That must have been one desperate hairy man!

 

that goes for smoking too. the first person to come across marijuana and says let me dry this stuff out and smoke it. did that same guy try smoking poison ivy too

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